Q: Someone I hooked up with last year is now stalking me. He has my home address and everything. I blocked him, but now I’m worried that he’s gonna show up at my house. Should I go to the police or what?
A: Wow, last time it was undercommitment, and now we’ve made a full 180 to lock-your-door-and-check-the-windows territory. Is a happy medium really too much to ask for? Let’s get one thing straight: This person has moved far beyond hookup lore and is now firmly in true crime podcast territory. We love true crime as much as the next girls but this is not an immersive experience.
Based on your tone and the fact that you’re relying on advice that comes out once a week, we’re assuming you’re rather calm about the situation at hand. So we’d like to offer some advice to alert you to the slight urgency of this circumstance.
- Don’t let your brain romanticize it. This is not a boombox-outside-your-window rom-com moment but more of a Ted Bundy documentary you absolutely do not want to be a part of.
- We know your instinct here might be to downplay it. ‘Maybe he’s just weird or a little overbearing,’ you may be thinking, or, ‘Maybe I wasn’t clear enough about the boundaries,’ or, ‘He could be hovering nearby for totally unrelated reasons.’ No. There’s no need to do a psychological analysis on someone who has already skipped several key social steps like ‘basic decency’ and landed on ‘restraining order.’
- Don’t treat this like it’s just a minor inconvenience. The bar is not ‘He didn’t commit a crime yet.’ The bar is somewhere closer to ‘He doesn’t make you feel like you might need to memorize emergency numbers before bed.’ You don’t owe him clarity, closure, kindness or access to your time, energy and especially your front porch.
This is one of those cases where the red flag is not subtle — it’s less of a flag and more of a giant inflatable tube man flailing outside a car dealership. The only thing this person should have memorized about you is your name, and frankly, even that feels optional at this point. It was a one night stand, not an invitation to gather more information at a later date.
Yes, to answer your question, you could call TUPD. But let’s be honest, they’re more likely to issue a parking warning than prevent a criminal from entering your home. So whether it be the actual police, your parents or politely informing your roommate there is a non-zero chance of a knife-wielding manic showing up at your door, we suggest you seek help and, more importantly, we suggest they do, too.
We’re not first responders but we’re always here for you in a crisis (if it’s on a Wednesday).
Stay safe and please lock your door,
Sharper Advice
