Q: I found someone who wants to be my sugar daddy. ... He said it would only be FaceTime ‘dates’ for online shopping (while I’m in a low-cut top). A couple hundred for the first call. Should I do it?
A: Ah, yes — a grown man with disposable income is outsourcing his loneliness. Really, what’s new?
It’s a tempting offer and, let’s be honest, that’s just practical. However, if your mother is anything like mine, you’ve probably been warned about stranger danger and to not accept gifts from creepy men. But, in this day and age when the average cup of coffee is $8 and we’re forced to drop $200 every semester on a textbook our professors wrote themselves, we need a little extra cash wherever we can get it.
To all the feminists out there who may say that this goes against everything we worked for — you’re absolutely right. But how is that high horse working out for you now that you’ve got your own credit statement and rent to pay every month? If we have to live in a patriarchal society, we might as well take advantage of it, right?
Also, if you think about it, we’ve entered a sex work gray area. I had to double-check my facts, but I can confirm that there is nothing illegal about having a sugar daddy in the U.S. (God bless America). So, this isn’t a full red-light district, it’s more like LinkedIn — optimized for engagement. At this point, assessing a potential sugar daddy is like comparing Handshake on campus job listings. Work six hours at Tisch, alphabetize civic engagement pamphlets, earn $14 per hour (before taxes); or, FaceTime for 45 minutes, smile and nod while he buys exactly the clothes you’ve been looking at for weeks.
So yes, you are absolutely allowed to monetize male delusion — that’s between you, capitalism and the IRS. If these men are out here throwing thousands of dollars at pixels, who am I to stop them? Natural selection is going to take these men out anyway.
All that being said, a couple hundred for the first call sounds like a free Hulu trial, except instead of ads you’ll get a man asking you to spend hours on the phone.
So, here’s my final opinion: get that bread, girl — just leave no paper trail. The only receipts should be for the La Perla he’s funding. (Don’t wear it on FaceTime, though. Save it for a man whose investment plan doesn’t need to factor in a trip to Istanbul for some hair plugs.)
Whether you decide to monetize it or not, just remember we’re always here.
Life, liberty and the pursuit of emotional detachment,
Sharper Advice
