Q: I’m late on my period… Should I tell my slink?
A: First, as tempting as it sounds to blurt it out, maybe avoid sending a text saying, “Hey, quick question: Do you know your blood type and how do you feel about co-parenting?” I would recommend a more advanced approach because, just as in any other relationship, communication is key.
However, I will say that your use of the word “slink” makes me think there may be other commitment issues we need to take into account. I’m pretty sure we’re not dealing with a lifelong partner who’s ready to pick out nursery colors. So, while any panic is understandable, now is not the time for the Target baby aisle. Let’s break this down step by step.
- Before you ruin both of your days, you should probably take a pregnancy test — ideally not one that came from the back of a drawer next to the expired Advil. Luckily for you, we go to Tufts University, where there are more free condoms than single gay men and vending machines are stocked with your trusted friend, Clearblue.
- Don’t panic. Whether you’re waiting to take a test or just got the results, try not to jump to maternity wear, sonograms or imagining your slink holding a tiny version of you while you ask them to Venmo you for the diapers. Your brain may try to fast-forward 18 years to dropping your kid off at college and saying, “You know, you were conceived on that twin XL.” However, take a deep breath and relax.
- Maybe don’t lead with your baby name suggestions. The cute baby names that have been sitting in your Notes app for years do not need to be opened just yet. This is not the moment to ask your slink how they feel about raising little ‘Aquaman’ or ‘Malibu Barbie.’ The world doesn’t need a 40-year-old Jett.
I’d recommend talking to someone who maybe knows more about reproductive health than your 10-person group chat. The folks at Sex Health Reps do in fact serve a purpose besides supplying an abundance of buttplug stickers.
If the test is negative, congratulations! This can all be a very funny anecdote for your private story later.
Remember, this could always just be your uterus keeping the plot interesting this month. But if not, we’re always here for your childbearing adventures.
Good luck!
Sharper Advice
