Q: My boyfriend told me he loves me, but idk if I should say it back, and tbh it feels very soon. I like him a lot, but I’m not sure if what I’m feeling is actually love. What should I do?
A: Contrary to popular belief, love is not often at first sight. Just think about half the men you see on your Instagram feed on National Boyfriend Day and ask yourself, “Are they really all that?” Suddenly, the idea of instant attraction feels a little less scientifically sound.
And yet, we still have people jumping straight to future planning and emotional conclusions like they’re reading the first chapter of a book and then skipping to the last. There’s a certain confidence to dropping an ‘I love you’ early on in the relationship. Unfortunately, this confidence is rarely accompanied by accuracy. You’re right to call this out because, in our experience, love is very often confused with infatuation, and intensity is mistaken for deep feelings.
To help clarify what’s actually going on here (and to avoid emotionally guessing like it’s a pop quiz you didn’t know to study for), we’ve included a helpful diagram below so you can diagnose your relationship for yourself.
So no, you don’t need to rush into matching his feelings just to keep things balanced. Your relationship isn’t a synchronized swimming routine. Instead, take your time, stay honest and let your feelings catch up if they’re going to. And if they don’t? That’s fine. Not everything is meant to be upgraded to love.
Sometimes it’s love. Sometimes it’s lust. And sometimes it’s just two people downloading Tinder at the same time and assuming that means destiny. If you find this to be the case, you may need us again.
We love you,
Sharper Advice
