Most Tufts students last May were cramming for finals and dreaming of a carefree summer break. Then-junior Nicole Balkind had a different landmark on the horizon: she was planning her wedding to then-senior Brandon Balkind.
They tied the knot Graduation Weekend in the church on Powderhouse Blvd.
The marriage plan had not been a haphazard one, ? ¬a Britney and Jason Alexander. Nicole and Brandon met in a high school Russian class. The couple started dating during a month-long trip to Moscow. They've been together ever since.
Brandon, who is a year older than Nicole, came to Tufts first. "My dad didn't think it was a good idea to go to Tufts, but I wanted to go since before I met [Brandon]," Nicole said. "I'm an IR [international relations] major - I've always wanted to do IR."
The couple first talked about marriage Nicole's freshman year. They initially decided to wait until Nicole graduated from Tufts to tie the knot. However, there was a change of plans along the way: Brandon decided in the fall of 2004 that he wanted to join the army after he graduated in the spring. "So then we had to decide - should we still get married when I graduated or just get married when he graduated?" Nicole explained. "Obviously it was a really big decision."
The couple decided to marry before Brandon entered the army. "Once you're in, they own you," she said. "And there's no guarantee he would be back."
Nicole wanted her fianc?©? to make important decisions about the wedding. "I didn't like the idea of planning the wedding without him," Nicole said. "It would have been my wedding, not our wedding."
Both students were enrolled full time at Tufts that spring while they planned and perfected the details for the event. "Talk about taking four classes, planning a wedding and working," Nicole said. "And I didn't fail."
Nicole broke the news to her parents while at home for Thanksgiving break. "I wanted to do it face-to-face," she said. "I'm an only child - my dad's a little protective."
Her parents' reactions were predictable. "My dad said that it was crazy, [but] my mom said she figured she'd be hearing that sooner or later."
Brandon formally proposed in December. The couple honeymooned in New Orleans. "It was kind of surreal getting married and then two days later going to graduation," Nicole said.
Brandon's military training cut the newlyweds' time together short. Two weeks after the wedding Brandon was in boot camp. During the ten weeks of training, Nicole spoke to her new husband for 16 minutes.
"I sent a letter every single day," Nicole said. "He could only write one per week. That was hard."
Brandon is now in advanced training outside of the New England area. Nicole is planning to visit him over Columbus Day weekend and Thanksgiving. Only wives are allowed to visit the trainees. "I have a military ID now, so I can sign him off the base," she said.
For Nicole married life is little different than college life. "For all of college I've been in this completely committed relationship ... we've never taken breaks. It's never been an issue," she said. "We spent all our time together."
The biggest difference for Nicole is as a spouse, she sees her husband far less now than before they tied the knot. "It's not a factor of marriage, it's a factor of the military," she said. "But the military is the reason we are married."
Other than her changed marital status, Nicole's social life remains relatively the same. "I still go to parties - last week I went to a frat," Nicole said. She finds being married makes the party scene easier in some ways. "You don't ever think that anyone's hitting on you," she said. And if someone does hit on her? "I just flash the ring, and that's been done several times at clubs," she laughed.
Nicole has yet to get used to joint bank accounts and other financial worries. "We have a joint account, but it still feels like my money and his money," she said. Another financial concern is the looming repayment of college loans: "All of a sudden, instead of X number of student loans, we have double," Nicole said.
Nicole has no doubt that she made the right decision to get married. "It makes my relationship a lot easier because it's more solid," she said.
Some others - friends, coworkers, random bystanders who catch a glimpse of the ring - feel otherwise. While she was getting her makeup done at a department store counter on the day of her wedding, a woman who had been divorced twice tried to convince Nicole she was making a mistake.
"People say 'You're too young to get married,' and 'What were you thinking?'" she said. "I don't feel like I have to defend it, but I find myself explaining and defending it to everyone."
Nicole finds it hard to be married and separated, the alternative would be much worse. "It's easier to be married and apart than not be married," she said.
