In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And in 2005, we enjoyed the fruits of his arduous labor with one of greatest things ever: the long weekend.
Now, although many here at Tufts have that luxury every week with the absence of a Friday class, there's nothing like a university-wide Monday off to really kick the laziness and the partying to another level.
To a sports fan in school, however, the true value of this classless 24 hours is freedom, and by freedom I mean the ability to watch Sunday sports on TV without any concern about homework that can be put off to the much more sportingly-boring Monday. (Monday - mundane: coincidence? I think not).
Let me explain. Sunday is very much a sports day. A sports day means that there are multiple games, events, or matches that demand that a fan sit and watch them for hours upon hours.
Pro football, naturally, leads the way on these sports-filled Sundays, but a truly great day needs more, such as baseball playoffs or maybe a final round or match in a championship golf or tennis tournament.
For example, Sunday, Sept. 11 featured Week One of the NFL, a Sox-Yanks showdown won by Randy Johnson and New York 1-0, and the final of the U.S. Open between Roger Federer and Andre Agassi. Little to no work was completed on this day.
Saturdays can, of course, be sports days as well with about a billion college football games on, such as this upcoming weekend featuring USC-Notre Dame, Ohio-State-Michigan State, and Florida-LSU. In addition, my favorite sports day of the year occurs mid-week, as March Madness' first round usually commences on Thursday.
But Sunday is traditionally the best sports day. After the harm we do to our bodies Saturday night, we need a day to just rest. Couple this with the fact that there are ridiculous amounts of good sports on, and having to think about anything else seems just wrong.
There are a few guidelines for properly experiencing a Sunday sports day. First, contact lenses, after being worked overtime the night before, are given the day off. So is soap. And pretty much hygiene in general is unnecessary.
A comfortable sweatshirt and a pair of athletic shorts or pants are a must for viewing attire. Those nice J-Lo or Jordan jumpsuits are excessive. Broken in and stained (or as I like to call it, finely aged) clothing is proper.
Next, no more than two meals can be eaten on a given Sunday, considering that the first one should come around 1:30 and should be a large portion of artery-clogging goodness. Dining hall brunch is acceptable, but delivered wings, grinders, or pizza is preferred. And you don't have to miss any action. I also strongly suggest slow roasting a pig the night before and letting it cook while you sleep. I've never tried it, but you can imagine how good it would be.
Another essential Sunday item is a cozy chair that will allow you to sit contently all day long. Finding a good chair that can fit in a small dorm room on a college budget is tough, but we can all aspire to someday have one of those reclining couches that has cup-holders and a built-in speakerphone.
In addition, although there is really no need to move on a Sunday, I recommend periodic stretching in order to remain loose for any exciting plays that require jumping up in amazement. The last thing you want is a pulled muscle sidelining your viewing. The only other times you need to get up are for the bathroom and to check your computer for fantasy football updates to see how many yards your sleeper Seattle wide receiver has.
The final sports day necessity is proper remote management. Sports action must be maximized, and therefore the "last channel" button is huge. When one event goes to commercial, the viewer must immediately switch over to another. When all games are in commercial, anger must be expressed.
I also say the "last channel" button should be taken to another level by adding the "second to last-channel" and "I really don't care about this game but will watch if I have to" buttons for a rotation of multiple sporting events.
Unfortunately, many here at Tufts have their sports day end early because of the lack of ESPN and its Sunday night games, which my colleague Alex Bloom discussed so well yesterday in his column. I have a theory that the school knows it is fruitless to try and take our Sunday afternoons so they shrewdly attack our nights by disallowing the Worldwide Leader. With fewer sports to watch, we are forced to think about work and thus the school can maintain a respectable academic standing.
Well, luckily, I have a solution to this "sports day vs. work" dilemma. We need long weekends every week. We need Mondays off all the time. We need more Columbuses discovering more new lands. With this setup, sports days can be properly enjoyed without any stress or worry, and work can be put off and completed totally on Mondays, which suck anyways.
