At one time or another, most of us have felt as though our sexual drive has just dropped off completely. Or, in some cases, never even began. What's up? Why, for some people, does libido come and go (and when it goes, often stay away for a long time)? And furthermore, why hasn't it appeared at all for some people? Some may argue that asexuality is the cause.
I beg to differ. Sexuality is part of human nature. You can argue it any way you want; it's some higher power's way of urging us to procreate, it's just hormones talking, it's the desire for physical pleasure. I could continue, but I don't think I need to. When it comes down to it, most of us want to have sexual experiences. Let me be clear here: this does not necessarily mean sexual intercourse! I'm talking everything from a sensual caress to masturbation to a wonderful kiss to, of course, sex. So why, if we're all such sexual creatures, do the valves of desire seem to shut off from time to time?
Unfortunately, just about anything can kill your libido. Even more unfortunate is the fact that the lifestyle of a college student is not conducive to preserving one's sexual urges. First off, stress is a major downer for your raging hormones. This could be stress from schoolwork, family pressure or problems, social anxiety, job concerns - just about anything you can think of.
Other emotional problems, such as depression and lack of self-confidence, can really hurt your libido as well. When you're not feeling good about yourself, you don't feel desirable. And, as a general rule, when you don't feel attractive, your "go get 'em" hormones get buried under the heap of negative emotions.
Emotional mix-ups aren't the only cause of decreased libido. Physical alterations to your body or not taking proper care of yourself can seriously affect your sexual urges. A major factor in libido level is not paying attention to regimen (diet and exercise). Proper nutrition keeps your body's functions in check, and without it - say, with a diet of late night pizza, bagels, and beer - your body's signals start to get out of whack. And we all know that regular, moderate exercise is the key to good health, even sexual health! Some medications (especially birth control - ironic, huh?) have decreased sexual "appetite" as a side effect.
So what do we do about all these problems that are taking away our "va va voom"? Well, for starters, get moving! Exercise addresses many of the causes of low libido by releasing those feel-good chemicals, endorphins. Exercise can also help with libido-lowering problems; specific workouts, such as weight lifting and yoga, have even been linked to increases in hormonal activity and enhanced feelings of
attractiveness.
A proper diet goes hand in hand with exercise. A healthy combination of nutritional foods (avoiding excess saturated fat, salt, and sugar) can really help your body get back to its natural, balanced state. If stress is your problem, you can also try keeping a journal or talking to a counselor about what's bugging you.
Sometimes stress and anxiety are specifically related to sex, and in that case try talking to a friend (if your fear is being
inexperienced, maybe talk to a close friend who has more sexual experience than you do) or going to a bookstore and checking out self-help books and advice manuals. They can offer up some pretty good advice, and your concerns remain private.
These strategies can help if you're having long-term problems with your libido, but if you're just having a dip in your feelings of desire, try any, or all, of the following: If you're into keeping a journal, try writing down your fantasies. You may be surprised at how turned on you get. Furthermore, putting your fantasies down on paper can help you become brave enough to ask for them in reality.
Speaking of fantasies, try popping in porn. Sure, it may not be politically correct (ladies, if you're worried about this, check out grandopening.com for female-directed and female-friendly porn), but it's harmless, safe and carries no emotional risks (unlike the awkward conversation that may ensue if you whip out the handcuffs on someone without first talking about it). If that's a little too racy for you, try just picking up an issue of a magazine that gives sex advice (Maxim for the men, Cosmo for the ladies). Just reading words that relate to foreplay, passion, and sex can help rev your motor.
As for true quick fixes, try using one of many aphrodisiacs (these are especially useful if you're getting ready for a night out or are on a date with your sweetheart). Some that are easy to get your hands on are coffee and alcohol (both only in small quantities - if you overdo either of them, they end up dampening your libido and, potentially, your body's ability to perform normal sexual functions as well), asparagus, ginger (try ginger tea, the yummy sweet ginger slices that come with sushi, or ginger chews found at health food stores), or any spicy foods. For something that never fails, try taking a nice, hot, sensual shower or bath with scented toiletries.
No matter what you use, don't let your libido get buried under the mountains of other things going on in your life. Allow yourself a little sexual liberty; sensuousness and pleasure are things that should never be ignored!
