Let me welcome everybody to the Wild, Wild West. A state that's untouchable like Elliot Ness.
My bad.
Actually, I would just like to welcome everyone back to another semester of the critically acclaimed "Philly Phodder." They actually gave me a legitimate award for this thing during my freshman year. And you think I'm crazy.
In case you don't know who I am, I'm one of the five Tufts Daily sports columnists, and I'm predisposed to liking teams from Philadelphia. The problem, though, is that I'm probably the farthest person from following the city's mantra ("Brotherly Love"). So you can generally expect some angry rants and shameless promotion of the Phillies, Eagles, Sixers, and Flyers.
Like any reasonable football fan (meaning "Eagles fan"), I found myself glued to the Eagles-Giants game on Sunday and was so distraught after the Birds blew a 24-7 fourth-quarter lead that I had to sit down and watch the Jets play the Patriots. For those of you scoring at home, that's about seven hours of football.
Additionally, the omnipresent temptation of watching "Family Guy" and then the Cowboys and Redskins kept pulling me away from homework. Seriously, is there any athlete this side of Barry Bonds who is hated more than Terrell Owens? I know I'm an Eagles fan and therefore ridiculously biased against Owens, but I can't think of anybody not named Drew Rosenhaus who likes the guy.
The chance to see him and the "loudmouth kicker" make their starts with "America's Team" was too much to bear. I can't wait until Owens starts questioning Bledsoe's arm strength, Parcells' coaching style, and Mike Vanderjagt's kicking so it turns into an on-field battle royale. This is my only motivation for watching the Cowboys. T.O. impressed in his debut, getting penalized on the first play from scrimmage, not catching a touchdown, and injuring himself.
Sorry, back to the main point of the column. I watched way too much football this weekend. So I started thinking to myself, "How can I be a conscientious sports fan and still be a conscientious college student?" (I'm on a roll right now with the big words: predisposed, omnipresent, and conscientious.) So my housemates and I came up with a list of ways to help you not fail. Here are Philly Phodder's tips to help you be a good sports fan and a good Jumbo student.
1. Do your work on Saturday. Frankly, I hate this solution. I don't have the time management skills to do all my work on Saturday. Or even Friday. I'm one of those unfortunate students who has to procrastinate long enough for the dread of failing to set in (I really hope my parents aren't reading this). If you can follow this tip, you'll feel great on Sunday. If you're like me, you'd better keep reading.
2. Keep your laptop or textbook open while you're watching football. During a three-hour football game, I would estimate that only two of those hours are action. The rest is Miller Lite "Man Law" commercials, replays, challenge calls, timeouts, and Pam Oliver sideline reports. Spend your breaks reading a paragraph here and there or doing part of your problem set.
With your laptop-make sure you make at least one change to whatever you're working on. This way, when you close the document, it will ask you to save the changes and you will feel like you have accomplished something.
3. Halftime is key. You have 20 minutes to do something. I usually spend halftime getting more food, but you should spend it speed-reading your political science packet or doing your English homework.
4. Don't watch Monday Night Football. Sometimes this is hard. But if you're like me, you're really in such a hole from Sunday's laziness that your semester's grade is riding on one night's work. Don't worry. You can follow the game on Yahoo or CBS Sportsline. Be sure to watch a little bit though to see Tony Kornheiser fight with Joe
Theismann.
That's the best I've got. In case you couldn't figure it out, Sundays usually ruin me. That's the sacrifice I make to bring you my angry opinions.
You're welcome.
