For the sake of my own credibility, I hope no one read my column last week.
My preview of this month's baseball playoffs made a few bold predictions, and they didn't exactly pan out. For those of you keeping score at home, my four picks to survive to the next round were the Yankees, Twins, Dodgers and Padres.
Gutterball.
Not only did all four teams pack their bags and head home, but really, it wasn't even close. In 14 total Divisional Series games, my four picks won a grand total of two. Now, 2-for-14 is downright stellar if you're A-Rod in October, but I hold myself to higher standards than that. I'm embarrassed by my horribly misguided opinions.
So to recap, my Red Sox were essentially ousted from the playoffs in mid-August, and all four of my playoff picks were knocked out by the end of the first weekend. Most people in my place would give up on baseball and focus on watching the 4-1 Patriots. But not me. October is a time for America's pastime-the pigskin can wait another month.
So what do I have to look forward to this postseason? Well, for me, there's pretty much just one thing left that makes playoff baseball worth watching. What, you ask? Is it watching the Tigers ride their young aces Justin Verlander and Jeremy Bonderman to the World Series? Is it seeing Albert Pujols, perhaps the greatest hitter who ever lived, pursue his quest to finally win the big one? Is it the electrifying offense of Beltran, Reyes, Delgado, and Wright? Or is it the question of whether "Moneyball" can finally bring Billy Beane a championship?
No, no, no and no. For me, the only thing that makes baseball worth watching anymore is Tim McCarver.
The man is an absolute genius, and I for one am sick and tired of hearing people profess otherwise. With the AL Championship Series already underway and the NLCS set to start tonight, I've decided that this can't wait any longer. This, ladies and gentlemen, is a preemptive strike. For all of you who are getting ready to spend your week watching baseball on FOX and complaining about how "stupid" you think the great McCarver is, hear me out right now: you're wrong. Tim McCarver has an answer to every baseball question on your mind and then some.
Say, for instance, you were wondering how the Yankees collapsed in the ALDS. Was it A-Rod going 1-for-14? Joe Torre mismanaging the pitching staff? Jaret Wright getting shelled in Game Four? Who's to blame? The answer can be found in a McCarverism. The problem is that "Giambi walks too much. He's always clogging up the bases with all that walking."
McCarver knows the Red Sox well, too. From his insightful analysis of pitchers "Bill Wakefield" and "Brandon Arroyo," to his David Ortiz catchphrase of "Mount Everest erupts again," I've always loved hearing what McCarver has to say about my favorite team. But it doesn't end there-not by a long shot. Here are some more reasons McCarver is my favorite announcer:
He knows exactly why Derek Jeter is the American League's MVP. ("He's hip! If I may use that young phrase, he's one of the hippest players in the big leagues.")
He's an expert on baseball equipment and how it's used. ("Watch Darren Daulton use his mitt like a glove." Or, even better ... "Look at Shawn Chacon! He wears his hat like a left hander!")
He uses brilliant pop culture references to illuminate his commentary. ("It's a Mark Wahlberg fastball. Catch me if you can!")
He has an impeccable grasp of baseball strategy, one that can only come from 21 years of major league experience. Note the Five McCarver Tenets of Baseball: "One thing about ground balls: they don't go out of the ballpark"; "It's better to have a fast runner on base than a slow one"; "Pitching is such a vital part of the game, as far as winning is concerned"; "A walk is as good as a home run"; and of course, "A count of one ball and two strikes is a lot different situation than hitting with two strikes and one ball."
He's a whiz when it comes to statistics. He's pointed out that "Mark Buehrle has 45 consecutive starts for the White Sox," and "Beckett's retired 19 batters through six-and-a-third innings-he's having a phenomenal night."
He knows pitching greatness when he sees it. "Bob Gibson is the luckiest pitcher I ever saw-he always pitches when the other team doesn't score any runs," is one example; "Yankee pitchers have had great success this year against Orlando Cabrera ... when they get him out" is another.
He studies hitters' strike zones, and he knows their tendencies. He's remarked that "With Guerrero, it's not as much a strike zone as it is a strike area," and "National League pitchers pitch Edmonds up and in-that is his strength and his weakness."
And then, after all the ingenious bits of insight, he's able to step back from his hardcore baseball analysis and take a moment to reflect. Only then do we see Tim McCarver's other side: he's deep, he's profound, and he makes you think:
"If football is a game of inches, then baseball ... is a game of inch."
Wow. Just wow. It's moments like these that make you realize the incredible truth: Tim McCarver is a god among men. He makes guys like Joe Morgan, Bill Walton and John Madden look like complete idiots. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is never easy.
