Way to go, Boston Celtics. In honor of Red Auerbach's passing, you've started the season a stellar 0-3 - great job remembering a legend.
So, since the Celtics suck, I need a new outlet to fuel my basketball craving. I refuse to root for another team; - it's out of the question. So I've come up with the next best thing. What's that you say?
There is a movie. A movie that defines the label "sports movie." A true American classic I could never get bored with even if I watched it every single day of the week. Anyone who says they don't love the movie "Hoosiers" is a liar. And it is "Hoosiers" that reminds of what basketball used to be.
There is nothing bad with this movie. Nothing. It's Americana at its finest, and I don't know how someone can watch it without wanting to strap on a pair of Converses and start practicing free throws. And tell me why every home team in the country doesn't play the "Hoosiers" theme song at least once during each game? That's an automatic win as soon as that music is heard.
Gene Hackman is the best movie coach of all time, and the kid who plays Jimmy just may be the best natural athlete-turned-actor besides Danny Noonan in "Caddyshack." Watch that scene when Hackman tells Jimmy he doesn't care if he's on the team or not. Jimmy is actually making all those baskets, and it's a damn fine looking jump shot.
There are, however, a few inconsistencies I picked up on after watching it for the zillionth time the other day. For starters, Jimmy Chitwood almost never misses. From the first scene in the gym to his final shot to win the state championship, Chitwood misses maybe five times the whole movie. He has an unbelievable shooting percentage, but he only really ever makes two shots - from the top of the key or from the side of the arc. That's it. How does the South Bend Central team (Hickory's opponents in the State Championships) not figure this out or, at the very least, double-team him?
Which brings me to my next point: the final shot. The movie all comes down to this, and do we see one of the other guys taking the shot, reinforcing Coach Dale's mantra of team, team, team? No. The plan is "get the ball to Jimmy." Again, you'd think the opposing players would figure this one out, but no, he gets off the shot, wins the game, everyone is euphoric. Right? Well, here's another sticky point with the movie.
If you think about it, in any other situation, if this movie was made in our current politically correct environment it would have followed the rise of the South Bend team, comprised of a black starting five and a black coach. The movie takes place in 1951, so I don't think it's really that typical to have an integrated basketball team. And yet, the white kids from Hickory end up winning the game. Ironic.
Another point of contention is the magical appearance of the ubiquitous "Buddy." He was kicked off the team in the beginning of the movie and then shows up again halfway through the season with no explanation given. Unfortunately, if you watch the extras of the movie, the director and writer acknowledge this inconsistency and admit a scene explaining Buddy's return was in the original film but later cut. Still, it's suspect.
The movie's themes of commitment, teamwork and second chances, however, help to forgive these inconsistencies. Not only is it a fantastic basketball story, but it also paints a profound picture of rural life, showing just what the game of basketball used to mean to people, as well as its potentially destructive qualities with characters like Shooter, the town drunk and former school hero.
My final point of contention with the movie, however, comes with Shooter and his "Picket Fence" play. First off, apparently everyone in Indiana speaks in euphemisms ("Sun don't shine on the same dog's ass everyday, but, mister you ain't seen a ray of light since you got here" is easily my favorite). So when Shooter tells his boys how to run the play and not to "get caught watching the paint dry," maybe the audience is supposed to be so confused; they won't question the fact that this is a ridiculous play.
How does the Picket Fence actually work? It's simply a double pick-and-roll, except incredibly obvious. "Oh, look, two of the guys just stood in a line at the top of the key. I wonder what play they're going to run?" And yet, it works. Movie magic, I guess. Incidentally, you know every middle school coach/player has attempted the Picket Fence (second only to the "fumblerooski" for football) in their basketball careers. And I'll bet it's only worked once. I also bet the next time I play a game of pick up ball this play will be tested.
"Hoosiers" may look quaint now, and maybe it's hard not to snicker at the movie's final scene with a young boy taking free shots with Hackman's ethereal voice saying, "I love you guys" over the picture of himself and the team. But because it's so quaint and corny, I think I love it even more.
So gosh-darn it, Jimmy Chitwood, the Picket Fence, the subtly un-PC ending ... I love it all. Maybe the Celts should see if they could bring Coach Dale out of retirement. Or at the very least Doc Rivers needs to start running the Picket Fence once in a while.
Andrew Bauld is a senior majoring in English and political science. He can be reached at andrew.bauld@tufts.edu.
