Dear SOS,
Although attending a single-sex school for the greater part of my academic career undoubtedly made me more audacious in a classroom environment, it also served to hinder certain aspects of my social life. And, no, I'm not just talking about my conversation-killing feminist remarks or my inclination towards plaid, pleated miniskirts.
My real issue concerns interactions with the opposite sex. Back in high school, I would never have to worry about the aftermath of an awkward hook-up or boy blunder - I could just make the conscious decision to avoid anyone and everyone from my romantic past. But here, there's no hiding from the truth about the happenings of the previous night!
Help me, SOS; I need to know the proper post-hook-up etiquette before I make myself out to be a complete social pariah!
Sincerely,Awkward Mama
Dear Awkward Mama,
The transition into college social life can be difficult for everyone, especially for those who spent seven years cooped up in a bureaucratic, hardcore, uniform-enforcing environment "where girls learn best" (according to their Web site), but secretly everyone knows that they could learn a lot more about the world at the coed public school down the street. Whoa thurr, just had to get that out of my system.
Anyways, interacting with members of the opposite sex shouldn't have to be worrisome - it's just those spur-of-the moment, "What was I thinking?" and "Wait, what's your name?" occurrences that truly can create issues.
Hook-ups are like Krispy Kreme donuts: they're fun and enjoyable during the process, but afterwards, they can make you feel pretty nauseous. And like the aftermath of eating donuts, the post-hook-up stage's level of uneasiness is contingent on a couple of factors.
First of all, regardless of whether you're dealing with romantic encounters or baked goods, you will need to ask yourself a couple of questions before assessing the situation to its full extent. For example, "did I eat too many donuts?" (Always use moderation, and try to stick with one variety per specified time period. Everyone has those binge nights that they'd really rather forget, but as a rule, try to limit it to one per night out. Plus, you can't eat donuts EVERY DAY; that would make them lose their magic).
Second, "Have I ever eaten that Krispy Kreme flavor before?" (Read: your extent of interaction with the aforementioned person/donut can largely determine the aftereffects). If you have indeed tried, let's say, "rainbow sprinkles" before, (although I really prefer them on vanilla frozen yogurt - and, no, that was in no way a subliminal sexual innuendo) then you have little reason to bury yourself in the library the next day. Hook-up awkwardness is inversely proportional to the amount of previous occurrences: The more often it happens with the same person, the lower the awk-fact (translation: awkward factor).
However, hook-up awkwardness can also be directly proportional to the amount of non-hookup interactions you have on a daily basis (think: hallmates, lab partners, club leaders, etc.) It's not so much the fact that you knew the person before that is awkward; it's more the fact that you are guaranteed to see them within the next 48 hours.
And on that train of thought, I would like to point out a phenomenon that defies both the laws of science as well as social justice: "the post-hook-up magnetism theory." Under the principles of the said theory, the two affiliated specimens in question are more likely to see each other again within 12 hours of hooking up than they are to see each other at any other point in their lives.
Although this theory has not been accredited by any major psychologist, I am currently taking "Intro to Psych," so I feel pretty apt to agree with its validity. For some reason, in the day following a particularly awkward hook-up, the tendency to see the other person increases exponentially.
For example, a friend of mine (sorry, girl, you're sort of my muse), after a double-donut whammy the night before, found herself the next morning in the two most awkward post-hook-up interaction locations: between the bookshelves at Tisch (you have to be SO quiet - do you smile? wave? talk? Everyone around you will know!), and at the Carmichael salad bar (it's enclosed - there's no way out!). In both of these situations, my friend did what any other self-composed girl would do: She turned her head, ran away and pretended like it never happened.
In short, there is really no way to ameliorate hook-up repercussions, although the Tufts default option (no communication), is not generally the best approach. My vote is for flirtatious text messages or witty Facebook.com comments.
However, you should NEVER resort to the Friend Detail Request: "We hooked up" (no one ever actually takes those seriously, kind of like "Relationship Status: Married." Except at Brigham Young Hawaii; they have dorms for married couples.)
Contact Charlotte to get advice for all your problems at charlotte.steinway@tufts.edu.
