Originally, this week's column was going to be about Christmas specials or something. Then last week hit. And faster than you can say, "David Blaine will get to Target by 6 a.m.," a lot of pop culture had gone real bad, real fast.
(By the way, I'm not going to recap what's happened this week; that would be a column unto itself, and the info is on many entertainment sites. Go to one if you need an update.)
In this corner of the rink, we have Racist Kramer, revealed while he was heckled during his stand-up. To be honest, above everything else, this entire story just makes me sad. Honestly, it's not like we even get to watch someone fall from the heights with this piece; all we see is a washed-up actor throw away whatever respect he still held from being part of one of television's legends.
For the next few months, when people watch "Seinfeld" in syndication, this is all they will think of. My local network actually aired the episode where Kramer dates an African-American right after the fiasco, probably to get a few extra cheap laughs. In short, Mel Gibson being a nutjob: funny. Me hearing about Michael Richards for the first time in years, only to find him having a breakdown on stage: depressing.
But enough with that, let's go on to our next competitor! Wearing the red trunks, we have O.J. Simpson, who tried to get away with publishing a book called "I Did It." Oops, I mean "If I Did It." Okay, yeah, I know the Democrats have taken back the legislative branch and all, and there may be a slight chance our civil liberties will stop being chopped up. But seriously, do we actually need someone to be giving the Supreme Court reasons to take away double-jeopardy? Really now, people! It's a good thing that News Corp. nipped this in its ugly bud.
And finally, we have my favorite, the Clay Aiken fiasco. Or, as I like to call it, "The World Series of 'Who Can Be the Most Offended?'" After being asked to guest host "Live With Regis and Kelly," Aiken repaid Kelly Ripa by covering her mouth with his hand to quiet her, spurring Ripa's rage and an on-air reprimand: "It's just that I don't know where that hand's been, honey."
A veritable knight in shining armor, Rosie O'Donnell has come forth calling Ripa's comment homophobic. Because, of course, a retort that is (at best) ambiguous is tops on the list of the problems of the LGBT community. Comments like Ripa's are really the worst threat facing queers - not violent hate crimes or legislation or anything like that. Good thing Rosie is out there, fighting for the oppressed masses, knowing exactly which battlefield to die on.
Then we have Ripa herself, a talk show prima donna who's probably a bit too sensitive about her personal space (or maybe just a total germophobe). First off, she was offended by Aiken covering her mouth (which really just seems par for the course in dumb daytime talk show banter).
But, the masses can rejoice, for Ripa announced in a call to "The View" that she has found it in her heart to forgive Aiken. And she said it in such a manner that made me wonder if Aiken kidnapped her family, killed her cat and burned her house down on top of what happened on the air. Presently though, she seems offended that O'Donnell is offended by her being offended. Say that three times fast.
Then we've got "The View"'s guest host of the day, Sherri Shepherd. Somewhere in there, she mentioned being African-American. No, that really had nothing to do with anything in this debacle. But I guess she wanted to get in on the offended pie. Makes sense. Being offended is always a fashionable way of getting all the attention of a scandal but none of the blame that comes along with it. Sad thing is, I'm not sure these women can even tell anymore if they're actually offended or just seeking some more publicity.
And the last player in this pseudo-scandal is Clay Aiken. Considering my undying hatred of "American Idol," I find myself shocked for a few seconds. I actually do feel bad for the kid. Aiken, by performing an act that ranges (depending on your view) from innocent to rude on the mildest of levels, has been propelled into the center of a media whirlwind. Divas are screaming over his actions, he's been outed (shocking the entire nation, I'm sure), and, last time I checked, Aiken himself hasn't said a word about it. Ironically, he's probably the least offended of the bunch. Poor guy.
Of course, then I remember that he chose to be an "American Idol" contestant, and, if he had any common sense, would have known the risks one takes when they enter the world of stardom. And anyway, I'm sure he can console himself by bathing in his millions of dollars ? la Scrooge McDuck. So, as you can guess, my sympathy and compassion have short lives.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the maelstrom of current entertainment. Lost? Not surprised. All I can suggest is to close your eyes, click your heels, and say "I want this to freakin' go away!" three times. It won't actually change anything, but I suppose it can't hurt.
Devin Toohey is a sophomore majoring in Classics. He can be reached at Devin.Toohey@tufts.edu.
