When you date a girl on and off for six years like I did, over time you realize that a boyfriend and girlfriend have that special ability to see each other at their best, worst and most awkward moments.
There is a huge, abstract amount of time that every couple goes through before they feel like they can stop acting, when they can actually be themselves. But even then, when we reach that level of comfort, the truth is that we don't live in a vacuum. No pair is immune to the fact that they will inevitably embarrass themselves and others. So we might as well laugh about it, right?
My ex-girlfriend Amanda and I had only been dating a few months when we went for a run on a chilly fall day. When we stopped we walked over to a park bench to rest and chat. I tried to impress her and started acting out a scene from some movie I had seen. We both started laughing hysterically and before I knew it, I had a humungous glob of snot hanging from my nose. It didn't shoot out quickly; it didn't bounce onto my shirt. It was just hanging there. And then we laughed more. I thought about how I was about to bring a pack of tissues on the run but then decided against it because my sinuses were surprisingly clear that day. And I thought about how God has a great sense of irony.
Some guys don't get the hint when the relationship is over. My friend, who we'll call "Rachel," thought she had pretty clearly ended things with her boyfriend Scott before she left for Rome. She started seeing another guy, Mark, while abroad. Romance was blooming until, one day, Scott showed up unannounced. Seeing as he had traveled all this way just to see her, Rachel couldn't bear to hurt his feelings right then, and so they spent the weekend touring the city together: Rachel, Mark and Scott. And on the day my friends Ariel and Andy tagged along, they made sure that "Scotty Doesn't Know" played on repeat on their iPods.
My friend Matt is in a perpetual state of coupledom. That is to say, he always has a girlfriend. In fact, I don't think he'll break up with a girl until he has another one signed up for a relationship, just so there's no lag time where he would have to be single. It used to be tough when I would ask, "Oh, how's Nicole?" and he'd reply, "You mean Anna, my new girlfriend?" And I would feel like a bad friend for not being able to keep up. So now I just bank on the fact that he's still too dependent to be single and ask simply, "How's your girlfriend?" I just have to hope he's never single for the rest of his life, because then I'd feel like a jerk.
Honesty is important in any sort of relationship, but it's a delicate subject when you have to candidly evaluate a buddy's potential new lady. It's important to be upfront with him about her poor dental hygiene or her fondness for the football team, but remember this could end up being your friend's new girlfriend. And if that's the case, every time you tell him you're going to brush your teeth or throw the ball around he might just shoot you the evil eye.
Part of having a significant other means incorporating yourself into their group of friends and their family. This can mean attending family functions or just sitting down on the couch with your girlfriend's parents watching some TV. On that note, however, there are certain things you should not say. For instance, if your girlfriend's father is bald and you happen to see Steve Martin hosting SNL, it's just not tactful to mention that you'd "rather be prematurely gray at 18 than ever lose your hair." Oh yeah, also, don't watch "Sex and the City" with your girlfriend and her parents, even if it is before "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and you don't have HBO. It just feels wrong.
My friend LeQuan always says, "We're born alone, and we die alone," but I think that even if that's true, it's nice to spend your time with someone with whom you can share some truly nice, albeit awkward moments. It's what gives some spice to life. And in the end, at the risk of sounding sentimental, I think we're all just really looking for that special someone that we can sit with, have a wad of snot blow out of our nose, and hang there like a pendulum of a clock, and, even if it is a little embarrassing, still feel completely comfortable.
Neil Padover is a senior majoring in English. He can be reached at neil.padover@tufts.edu.
