This past Tuesday, thousands of people across the country rushed to the polls in order to vote on various candidates and questions for their respective states. In Massachusetts, the gubernatorial race was basically decided before the day even began, but an important question was the topic on many people's minds: Question One's proposal of allowing grocery and convenience stores to sell alcohol in the form of wine.
This sparked political conversation in Medford the likes of which had never been seen because, let's be serious, booze was involved. I'm not much of a political activist, but this year I spent six hours in the cold and drizzle to tell people to vote "no" and keep the wine in the liquor stores.
Now I know what you're thinking, "My idol, the studly townie, is saying no to some form of alcohol - the same townie who references being drunk or wanting to be drunk in every article?" Don't fret, I actually think that booze should be sold in grocery stores; however, I can be bought. A local liquor store, let's call it Millside Slickers to keep anonymity, paid me a hefty sum to stand at one of the polling stations to picket against Question One, and I jumped at the chance for some easy cash that didn't involve selling my body.
Let's get this out there right now: picketing is, without a flicker of doubt, the most boring activity a human can do. A townie's mind can run wild with that much free time, and here's a few of the thoughts that popped up in my sick head. First off, how awesome would it be to have a townie president? Nothing says "presidential" like a velour suit and a paid escort at the State of the Union. I think it'd just be worth it to see the townie prez attempt to say the word caucus and keep a straight face. There'd be no need for secret service agents, for this President can handle his own business. Teddy Roosevelt may have wielded a proverbial "big stick", but a townie president carries a real butterfly knife - mess with that.
Also, pop-culture had a huge day in the headlines that kept my mind busy. First off, Neil Patrick Harris, AKA Doogie Howser, M.D. came out of the closet ... didn't see that one coming. Does this now ruin the scene in "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle" (2004) where NPH does cocaine off of a stripper in a stolen car? No, that is forever priceless.
Secondly, Britney Spears and her hubby of two years Kevin Federline ended their two-year marriage. Never before in the history of people have two people dropped in the attractive rankings so much after a divorce. K-Fed is about as appealing as an ice pick to the temple and Britney, who was once the most ridiculously appealing girl in America circa "Oops, I Did It Again," now ranks slightly below any girl with an eye-patch, one arm, or the Ebola virus. Truthfully though, if those two can't make a marriage work, then who can? This proves once again, that if left alone long enough, I can think of the most worthless things of all time to keep me entertained.
One of the more awkward situations of the evening came whenever somebody actually tried to talk to me about political issues. When it comes to anything that's politically important, I'm about as savvy as Borat in a synagogue. My response to any query about why I say "no" to Question One ranged from "You booze, you lose" to "I'm being paid to do this, don't patronize me, you commie," or I would just stare blankly and hide behind my sign until they got weirded out and walked away.
On a positive note, it was nice to see many of my neighbors and family members coming to the polls. My father was nice enough to walk my dog over to save me for about twenty minutes, although it got awkward when he went to relieve himself on a Deval Patrick sign (my dog, not my dad, you pervs). Many of my neighbors were surprised to see me applying myself in a political situation, and I really milked it, saying things like "Today's youth need more guidance, and liquor in grocery stores only improves the chance of under-aged drinking," when in reality, I had the best fake ID of any of my friends (thanks, older brothers) and the money I was making to combat Question One was most likely going towards the purchase of beers.
In conclusion, it was nice to see democracy at work and watch record numbers of voters voice their opinions. It got me thinking - maybe I'll run for Governor or President some day. Who am I kidding, being the mayor of Medford would be all the power I'd ever need.
Pete McKeown is a senior majoring in English. He can be reached at peter.mckeown@tufts.edu.
