I finally get it. As I was sitting in my seat at the Garden the other night, watching the Celtics struggle to beat the hapless Charlotte Bobcats, I had the epiphany I'd been waiting for. I realized that our 1-5 Celtics aren't trying to win. They're trying to get Greg Oden.
In case you don't know, Oden is a seven-foot, 255-pound freshman center at Ohio State. He's also the best center prospect since Patrick Ewing, complete with an ever-developing left hand, excellent rebounding instincts, and a soft touch around the basket. Unfortunately, nothing less than the number one overall pick in the 2007 draft can possibly land Oden.
Perhaps Red Auerbach was even smarter than anyone knew. In his ever-abounding wisdom, Red must have realized that the next Bill Russell was waiting to take the C's back to the promised land. The only problem was that the man-child savior was too many years away. So Red had to suck it up, take one for the team, and hire Danny Ainge and Doc Rivers. He had to know that this "dynamic duo" could do nothing but run a team into the ground.
And he was right. I can say with little hesitation that the Celtics are the worst team in the NBA and are right on track to draft Oden, the 21st century's answer to Lew Alcindor.
Watching the Celtics play in person made this all quite clear. For some reason, TV just doesn't show just how abysmal the men in green really are. As of right now, there are only two things that I can say with confidence that I am truly excited to see this season: one is Paul Pierce leading the league in rebounds, and the other is the development of Rajon Rondo.
Other than that, what do we have? Well, we have a starting point guard who can't shoot, finish his layups or play defense (Sebastian Telfair) and a number-two scorer who can't jump, shoot without setting his feet or, once again, play defense (Wally Szczerbiak). We have one big man who looks like he'll never live up to his potential (Al Jefferson) and another who never had any (Brian Scalabrine). We have two guys that play way too much (Michael Olowakandi and Theo Ratliff) and two that don't play enough (Ryan Gomes and Gerald Green). In short, we have a future that no longer looks nearly as bright as it did two years ago.
The Celtics are such a mess that I can't even fault Doc for not setting a regular rotation. He doesn't even know who can play!
Sure, I could be wrong, and the C's could turn into basketball's version of the 2006 Florida Marlins. They could start winning games, and maybe even make a playoff run in the mediocre Atlantic Division.
But here's the thing: that would be the worst thing that could happen to them. At this point, winning has become counterproductive. Just as Knicks fans want their team to lose so they can get rid of Isiah Thomas, Celtics fans need our team to lose so we can fire Doc, then hopefully Ainge as well.
It pains me to say this, because I really like Doc - he's a standup guy and a decent offensive coach. But Ainge? He's just incompetent. Still, both guys have enough personality and knowledge to sit up there on TNT and trade insults with Charles Barkley (a.k.a. analyze the game), so I'm not too worried about their families going hungry.
So what would Oden bring to the C's? Imagine a starting five of Greg Oden, Kendrick Perkins/Al Jefferson, Paul Pierce, Gerald Green, and Rajon Rondo, with Ryan Gomes and Delonte West coming off the bench and getting a good amount of minutes. Assuming all of those players even begin to live up to their potential, the Celtics would join the league's elite.
Celtics fans, it's time to face the music. We suck. But before you despair, take heart! And lose one, just one, for Oden.
Will Herberich is a freshman. He can be reached at Willian.Herberich@tufts.edu.
