W hen you're eighteen years old and embarking on your life as a Man, the opinion of your father is pretty important.
I capitalize Man because it deserves to be capitalized. The stigma is so deeply rooted in our society and our concepts of marriage, business, home and general lifestyle that to leave it sans cap would be something bordering denial. We hear a lot of harping on the female identity, but men, for the most part, go unnoticed. Well dudes, I'm about to notice you.
Sitting at a Denny's counter with his father, a friend of mine decided it tickled his fancy that evening to have himself a tasty strawberry milkshake. You know, the kind in a tall frosted glass, with a big, ripe berry floating enticingly at the top of the swirl. Boy, oh boy. After enjoying every last sip of his savory delight and exiting the establishment, his father entreated him to step aside for a little heart-to-heart:
"Son, Real Men don't order strawberry milkshakes."
To keep a long story short, my friend orders chocolate now. Upon discovering this incident, my heart immediately went out to all the men in the world. Strawberry is by far the tastiest flavor of milkshake, and to have to avoid it in order to uphold some pathetic antiquated image of masculinity is absolutely absurd. I asked another male colleague his opinion on the matter. "Strawberry's definitely the best flavor," he admitted. "But when I was little, my sister used to order the strawberry and I would order the chocolate, and then we'd swap." What?! Do you have a phobia of flavoring?!
Okay, guys. I have a newsflash for all of you: no one cares what flavor of milkshake you order. Wait a minute - I take that back. Maybe milkshake companies care. For statistical reasons.
Alright, let's spin this from another perspective. When my friend told me his story, I immediately brought up the obvious: "But you aren't gay! Doesn't he know you have a girlfriend?" I quickly discovered that masculinity has little to do with sexuality. The fear isn't of being homosexual, it's of being less of a Man. There's that capital again. Capital like Charlton Heston.
Capital like Paul Bunyan.
Capital like effin' Luke Skywalker.
It should come as no surprise that the male identity is pretty much set in stone. The idea of a "real Man" isn't a new one by any stretch of the imagination. What is a novel idea is the war currently being fought within the male gender in order to save face.
Allow me to explain.
There is an argument that married individuals unhappy with their marriages do all in their power to encourage as many people as possible to get married, in order to keep their flame alive. "If we had to go through it," they think, "why shouldn't everyone else?" In this way, one unhappy couple encourages other couples to become unhappy in order to justify their own unhappiness, resulting in one massive unhappy vicious cycle.
In the same way, a Man having to sacrifice any kind of sensitivity he possesses in an effort to stay Manly is likely to encourage others to follow suit with similar type behavior. A man displaying less masculine qualities is immediately threatened with homosexuality. Furthermore, men displaying a somewhat abnormal sense for fashion are dubbed "metrosexual." Last time I checked, clothes had nothing to do with sexuality. Why tack on the latter part of that word?
In a recent Daily article about Greek enrollment, an observation was made that "enrollment may be down, but retention was at an all-time high." That's the way it is with Men. While enrollment into the "Male team" might be at an all-time low (gay communities everywhere are rejoicing), retention is staggeringly high. Once a Man has solidified his position with other Men, there's no turning back.
I once wrote a paper foreseeing a Male Liberation Movement similar to their female counterparts', except in the opposite direction. I soon found out that such a movement would be nearly impossible, that Men saw their position post-movement as somehow less than before, and stereotypically, their general sentiments toward "openness" and "expression" are somewhat lacking.
In a way, the nature of the male beast is far more frightening than that of the female's 50 years ago. Men have a lot to lose: their friends, their reputation, their ... Manliness. And to somehow sacrifice any of that would be absolutely devastating.
While women can freely move like chameleons in and out of gender-typical behavior, ordering a scotch on the rocks at a bar but relishing a much-needed pedicure on a weekend, Men are far more limited in their scope. A woman would not alienate her female compatriot for Male-typical behavior, but the opposite is not always necessarily true for men.
Come on, guys. The results here are scary. I'm going to let you in on a little secret, though. Women dig sensitive dudes. You know the friend I described earlier? He hasn't been without a girlfriend in I don't know how many years. Being more open and comfortable with your masculinity (and I do not just mean wearing pink Polos) would pay off for you tenfold.
Go ahead - order that strawberry milkshake. All those chocolate guys have no idea what they're missing.
