In 1773, the American colonists in Boston had had enough of the imperial zeal of their British oppressors, and on Dec. 16, 1773, a small band of Patriots set in motion the wheels of revolution against King George III. That was one of the greatest moments in the history of our nation, and generations of Americans have yearned wistfully for the opportunity to be a part of a similarly powerful movement.
Today, a movement called Honk-to-Impeach has been organized by a local organization known as The Bostonians for the Overthrow of King George. The group stands by the T-stop in Davis Square every Monday from 5 to 7 p.m., urging passing motorists to honk their car horns to show their support for the impeachment of President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney.
In addition to compelling passing motorists to sound their magnificent horns of righteousness, the protesters also advertise upcoming anti-war events like the National "Sick of War" Sick Day on Oct. 26.
We at the Daily urge skeptics not to take this threat lightly. Those Americans who are indeed "sick of war" occupy some of the highest positions in government and industry, and their absence on Oct. 26 would cripple America's financial organizations, devastate our fast food joints and likely have some kind of noticeable effect on our haberdasheries.
The markets will plummet to levels not seen since the Great Depression, the welfare rolls will swell to bursting, and in order to stave off starvation, people will be forced to eat their own shoes. When the shoe supply runs out, the population will have no choice but to turn to cannibalism, and marauding packs of flesh-eaters will plunge the world into chaos.
We at the Daily beseech President Bush (who, as we all know, hears about every protest, no matter how small) to end the war if only to avoid this looming domestic catastrophe.
Like the Boston Tea Party that begat the American Revolution, so too may the Somerville T-Honking bring about a glorious popular uprising that changes the lives and fortunes of our many millions of Americans.
Sympathizers in our venerable institution of learning can look forward to the day when the honks of every patriotic American in Davis Square will join together to create a Giant Honk of Justice that will reverberate across our great country, spreading joy and brotherhood from sea to shining sea.
Or it could just lead to a bunch of nutbags honking like crazy people.
Either way, the seeds of dissent have been sown, and it is up to these insane-in-the-brain social activists to lead the way into a better American future.
Good luck, and godspeed.
