Two days ago, the United Nations wrote a letter that lambasted Great Britain for what it called the "leniency shown to celebrity drug users."
The letter cited such famous addicts as Kate Moss, whose career accelerated after she was pictured snorting cocaine, Amy Winehouse, who is known to have done large amounts of crack cocaine, and Pete Doherty, who has not been jailed despite his repeated use of heroin and other drugs.
This strongly worded letter was a sharp rebuke from the entire international community concerning the leniency shown to these famous and semi-famous individuals.
The Daily would like to be the first to congratulate the United Nations for having apparently eradicated every single more pressing problem in the entire world.
After viewing this letter, we can only assume that the war in Iraq is over, the situation in the Middle East has been resolved, North and South Korea have been reconciled, disease has been eradicated, poverty has been stamped out, global warming has been reversed, nuclear weapons have been disposed of, Islamic extremism is a thing of the past, and Protestants and Catholics are getting along swimmingly.
We further assume that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has acknowledged that his country has homosexuals, and that he's okay with it.
The United Nation's "drug letter" comes on the heels of the organization's decision to scrap plans for a resolution against Iran's nuclear ambitions. According to the BBC, the anti-nuclear resolution was scrapped in part because "some objectors reportedly felt the move unnecessary." The Daily would like to commend the United Nations for its impressive and creative approach to priorities, having placed Kate Moss' drug addiction at the top of the list, far above the relatively small concern of a rogue nation with nuclear weapons capable of destroying global power centers around the world.
The United Nations officially came into existence on Oct. 24, 1945 as the meeting place of 51 nations bound together in the struggle against fascism and global extremism. Over the years since that first auspicious United Nations Conference on International Organizations in San Francisco, the goals of the organization have clearly been expanded from simply battling injustice to the more specific aim of keeping the smack away from Amy Winehouse.
If the United Nations wishes to be taken seriously as the ombudsman of international opinion, it needs to dedicate itself to solving international issues. At a time when increasing numbers of Americans view the international body as a toothless society of blowhard gasbags, it is imperative that the organization spend its time more prudently and expend its capital more judiciously.
If the members of the United Nations have in fact solved all of the world's problems without the Daily's notice, then we will be more than happy to apologize. Otherwise, we advise the United Nations to lay off the crack.
