As members of the arts elite, we've been hearing all kinds of rumors about the possibility of a "Titanic 2." While this film has some people's hearts all a-twitter, it is utterly sickening to think of what could take place in such a film. Will the boat un-sink? Will Rose have to go back in time with Doctor Brown of "Back to the Future" to save Jack from his demise? Will there be zombies? Natalie Portman zombies?
In honor of this terrifying sequel rumor, we've compiled a list of movies that should never have had sequels.
10. "Grease 2" (1982): While we all appreciate the beautiful Michelle Pfeiffer, we don't appreciate corny love stories, horrible acting and lame(r) music than the first "Grease." Besides, nerdy guys never get the girl, not even when they learn to ride a motorcycle.
9. "Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde" (2003): While the whole point of the first movie was to follow Reese Witherspoon's transformation from a ditzy, blonde sorority girl into a mature, vivacious law student, in the second installment it seems that Elle goes through a time lapse and is dumber than ever before. Even though the whole movie still employs the same mocking, blonde-joke tactics that the first did, this time around the directors decided to also send an ethical message about animal rights and morals, because it's, like, important and junk. If anything, this is one blonde joke that just got too old.
8. "Speed 2: Cruise Control" (1997): One of the cardinal rules of sequel-making is that if you can't get the stars back, you probably shouldn't go ahead and make the movie anyway. Without Keanu, this was just "Miss Congeniality," minus all the funny parts ... so basically it was "Miss Congeniality."
7. "Air Bud 2: Golden Receiver" (1998): OK, so maybe it was almost believable that a dog could play basketball by hitting the ball with its head. But a dog playing football? That's just crazy. Equally astonishing was the fact that producers overlooked plenty of dog-friendly sports before settling on football: swimming and track, for example. Seriously, throw a football at a dog and see what happens. Wait, maybe you shouldn't.
6. "The Matrix Reloaded" (2003): As far as we're concerned, there is no such thing as the Matrix trilogy. There was only one Matrix, and it was a fantastic movie. As soon as the Wachowski siblings got all masturbatory about the plot, everything went to hell in a handbasket. Plus, was the 20-minute orgy scene really necessary? No one wanted to see Trinity naked, thanks.
5. "Caddyshack II" (1988): Without Bill Murray, Ted Knight and Lacey Underalls, what the hell is the point of a second Caddyshack movie? It wasn't even about golf! This sequel was also rated PG, which totally takes all the fun out of the raunchy R rating of the first. Thank you very little, Warner Bros.
4. "Jurassic Park 2: The Lost World" (1997): OK, what did we learn from the first movie? Dinosaurs: bad. Trapped on island with dinosaurs: also bad. Jeff Goldblum: the worst.
3. "Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace" (1999): We had to include this flop on our list out of fear of incurring the wrath of an army of nerds if we had left it off. This movie was so bad that even Natalie Portman couldn't save it (granted, we didn't get to see some skin until "Episode II" (2002)).
2. "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" (2007): The award for dumbest catalyst for a superhero movie sequel goes to: the metal-coated space-surfer man who inexplicably starts causing power outages, causes the Fantastic Four to switch superpowers and frees the villain from the first movie, Victor von Doom - all by ... you know ... surfing around in space.
1. Disney Sequels: Certain childhood classics should never be stretched into two - and especially not three (yeah, remember when Jafar returned again?) - movies. Our 7-year-old selves cry inside when we witness such horrible continuations such as "Cinderella II" (2002), "Pocahontas II" (1998), "Peter Pan 2" (2002) and "Lion King" Every-Number-And-A-Half. C'mon Disney, you can't be that desperate for ideas. Break out some Hans Christian Anderson if you have to.
-compiled by the Daily arts department
