Dear Tina Fey,
As you prepare for your highly-anticipated debate with Joe Biden tonight, we at the Daily thought you might appreciate hearing a few pointers:
1) You might want to think about putting a stop to your impersonator, Sarah what's-her-face, who keeps saying things like, "But one in five jobs being created in the trade sector today, we've got to look at that as more opportunity. All those things under the umbrella of job creation. This bailout is a part of that." She's totally stealing your act; the comically ignorant vice presidential candidate is a tough character to master.
2) Brushing up on your foreign policy experience couldn't hurt. Sure, video clips from your "SNL" days have made their way around the world via the Internet and you live in the cosmopolitan city of New York, but it's not real experience until you've met with world leaders. Try speed dating at the U.N.; we hear that's fun.
3) Put all that "Baby Mama" (2008) drama behind you. If there's one thing America hates more than an assault on the traditional ways of baby-making, it's when such actions are promoted via a Lorne Michaels-produced post-"SNL" flop. The world knows you're capable of getting pregnant, as you demonstrated in 2006, so maybe it's time to give that another go. Then give birth two days before the election and nobody would dare vote against (or interview) you.
4) Make sure you channel your mediating skills that worked so well for the high school girls in "Mean Girls" (2004). I mean, it's not like Joe Biden is going to call you a drug pusher (well, maybe), but it's good that you know you can hold your own (confidence is always a plus). Oh, and if you spill coffee on your sweater and need to take it off, make sure you don't take the bottom layer with it. Showing your bra on national TV might be embarrassing…
The Arts Department has faith in you and is certain that victory shall be yours. Keep these pointers in mind, good night and have a pleasant tomorrow!
Sincerely, The Daily Arts Department
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