Dear Chris Brown,
There's little we can say to a music celebrity who beats his girlfriend up right before the Grammys. Chris, your temper and your childish use of violence has deprived millions of viewers of the chance to boogie to your music. Your songs are forever tainted, and we simply can't listen to them.
That's right, we at the Daily Arts department have imposed a moratorium on any Chris Brown music. Not longer will we host dance parties in the basement of Curtis Hall to the tune of "Kiss Kiss." Some might say that Rihanna "deserved it" or that "it was just a stupid mistake." Newsflash: Picking on girls isn't allowed as soon as you hit puberty, and this isn't the elementary school playground, Chris.
We know you think Rihanna was flirting with other men at the pre-Grammys party. But there was also supposedly a sordid text sent from some short-skirted skank to your phone on the way home, so you aren't exactly innocent. Whatever happened, violence is not the answer.
We want you to know that we fully support Wrigley's decision to suspend your commercial. It was stupid anyway, with your pseudo break dancing and spin on the lyrics to your overplayed song "Forever." And although you're out on bail for now, you're probably going to spend some well-deserved time behind bars for messing with your former girlfriend's gorgeous face.
Maybe this experience will change you; maybe you'll come out a new man and actually make some original music, but probably not. The real crime is that Rihanna let you get near her in the first place.
Next time, pick on someone your own size and, oh yeah, gender. Leave the petty catfights to the ladies.
Sincerely,
The Daily Arts Department
