Tori Amos once sang, "You say, ‘he got be strong if he wanna be a man.'"
In "Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman's Guide to Why Feminism Matters," author Jessica Valenti, founder and executive editor of Feministing.com, reflects on the similarity between the worst epithets for women and men. In doing so, she effectively illustrates that "being [called] a woman is the ultimate insult" for either gender.
She arrives at her conclusion by gendering common, offensive insults based on their denotations and connotations in order to highlight the sexism still in place. The validity in Valenti's claim becomes clearer when considering that the most offensive insults aimed at men (e.g. fairy, pussy, f−−−−−, b−−−−) seek to point out their failure to fit into the constraints of a masculine ideal. The exercise suggests that there's nothing worse than being a woman, for the semantics of our language facilitate the denigration of women. So of course, men becoming more and more feminized is a huge deal. Soon, all the gruff, burly menfolk will be extinct, and the girly boys or metrosexuals sporting feminine threads will thrive in their skinny jeans and V−necks.
Our cultural and social constructs of gender problematizes the supposed rise of effeminate men. People frame the "phenomenon" of the face−exfoliating man as a major issue, and that only has credence because of the heteronormative, gendered world we live in. Evidently, certain behaviors and the concern for personal hygiene and appearance, among various other affairs, should remain only within the purview of women (which is not the case throughout history and across cultures). The changes in men's habits inevitably signify that they are turning into women.
We cannot seem to extricate our minds from the paradigms of a gender binary that holds onto conventional notions of gender expression and roles. The phrasing "the feminization of men" itself suggests a rigid binary and yet implies a dynamic model of gender in purporting an overlap between the two. Though paradoxical, it nevertheless ignores the existence of queer identities. In the end, it's a discourse bound within the conventional expectations for gender performance. The rhetoric surrounding the phrase valorizes masculinity while devaluing femininity and stigmatizing its expression and existence in men. And of course, the mainstream discussions of this issue again frame feminism as the impetus for the supposed detrimental and alarming changes in men.
So what is hidden behind the disgust and concern for the supposed feminization of men? Perhaps it is rooted in the fear that, ultimately, men will turn gay and the glorified institution of heterosexual marriage will be ruined. To expand, take for example the offensive ad that's been floating in the airwaves for a karate school in Miami depicting a young boy trying on heels and putting on lipstick. The text suggests karate is the way to toughen him up, while the subtext implies he's on the path to becoming effeminate and even gay. Clearly, our men need to wake up from this feminine reverie and incite a "menaissance" of former masculine sensibilities of toughness, uncouthness and stoicism.
The possibility and widespread existence of male expressions of femininity implied by this grave issue paradoxically deconstructs the notion of a gender binary while supporting conformity to our flawed system. The construction of what is to be a male and female is clearly subject to change and revision with the passage of time and because of various influences such as feminism and capitalism. We cannot hold on to an essentialist view of gender. Gender identity and expression should be free from policing. Long live queer identities.
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Elisha Sum is a senior majoring in English and French. He can be reached at Elisha.Sum@tufts.edu.
