So you're dating someone new. He asked you out with a poem he passed to you during your chemistry lab. Too cute. She's the star of the volleyball team and you've been crushing on her for months. You asked her out after her big game with roses. How charming. A while later, things seem to be going well. Your best friend thinks he's a total hottie, your buddy thinks she's a catch. Maybe you've fooled around a little, starting to approach below the belt… but you haven't gotten there yet. When is the right time to let it happen?
One Jumbo guy told us, "If you're not man enough to tell your friends that this one is worth waiting for, then that's your loss. I'd give a girl a while to get comfortable with it. Ideally? I'd say after about four real dates I'd like to get some, but things change."
If sex is your "make it or break it" after hanging out with your partner or hookup twice, you might want to rethink your plan of action. Not all guys are ready to whip it out night one, and not all girls want to get that close right away. Chill out for a bit. If you're interested in dating someone, you should take the time to get to know each other in addition to hooking up. We aren't saying sex isn't awesome, but there has to be something more to your relationship if you actually want it to continue. So how about you let that spark burn a little before hopping between the sheets?
Here's our advice. Sex is great. It's steamy and well sought after, but sometimes it shouldn't be the date-one agenda. One lady Jumbo adds, "I've found that sex with people I've taken the time to get to know is usually way better. I feel much more comfortable, which makes me enjoy hooking up more. So taking those few extra dates of just kissing and chatting? Seems worth it to me."
And what if you've found someone you're hooking up with but not looking to date? Obviously not everyone saves sex for relationships. If your partner wants to get it on night one, go for it. However, although some people are open to having casual sex right away, others might want to take it slow for a bit before getting physically serious. Just because someone doesn't want to go all the way when you first get it on doesn't mean that he or she isn't open to hooking up with you.
If you've found someone who's a fantastic hookup, try and gauge his or her interest and move forward at whatever pace seems comfortable. If you're a little hesitant, don't go straight for below-the-belt action. A little making out never hurt anyone, and it'll make you more comfortable with your partner whether you have sex the first night or not. Whatever you do, make sure your partner consents to everything you're doing. Chances are that if that one night goes really well for both of you, you'll be hooking up with that person again in no time.
If you're the kind of guy or girl who just isn't willing to wait for sex, maybe you should try something new this time around. How about some homework from your favorite sex columnists? Try getting to know your partner's answers to these questions before getting your naughty on:
- What's your name?
- Are you over 18?
- What are you studying?
- Do you have a significant other?
- Are you clean? (both hygiene and STIs)
- What's your favorite color?
- Dog or cat person?
- Have any kids?
- What's your favorite position?
- Have you participated in Occupy Boston?
Happy Homecoming hookups, y'all!
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Alison Williams and Sarah Gottlieb are sophomores who have not yet declared their majors. Williams can be reached at Alison.Williams@tufts.edu and Gottlieb can be reached at Sarah.Gottlieb@tufts.edu.
