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The Tufts Daily
Where you read it first | Saturday, May 25, 2024

Potty Talk: Phantom Filene

It is possible that nobody has ever been inside Lincoln Filene Hall. Have you ever heard a friend tell you they’re off to class in Lincoln Filene? If you have, do you really believe them? This building, for all intents and purposes, does not exist. But still, as is the eternal condition of buildings around the world, it has bathrooms. And where there are bathrooms, there is Potty Talk.

AMBIANCE

The ambiance of the bathroom itself is surprisingly warm. The floor is a textured slate-gray tile, and the walls alternate between white and tan paint, lending the bathroom a warm but not overwhelmingly colorful look. This is good because when bathrooms are too colorful, some  have a tendency to get overwhelmed or distracted and forget the original mission.

There is a baby changing station across from the toilet with the friendly Koala Kare logo that depicts a small cartoon koala being lovingly swaddled by a large cartoon koala. It’s really the sort of plot-driven art that can replace Twitter in a pinch.

The difficulty comes in the hallway leading to the bathroom. The lights in Lincoln Filene are never on because there is nobody who would possibly care to turn them on, so you are forced to walk through the dark halls of this eerily unoccupied building. If it is nighttime, you may just have to fumble your way around until you hit the bathroom. Despite the unsettling approach, this bathroom still gets an 8/10 on ambiance.

PRIVACY

You certainly do not have to worry about another person coming near the bathroom, but I would recommend keeping your eyes open for small creatures or playful sprites. 

Concerningly, when I approached the bathroom, the doors were already propped wide open, as if they had been eagerly awaiting my arrival. This caused some trepidation, which was soon alleviated by the image of the small koala in the lap of the large koala. Still, I don’t like bathrooms to feel too inviting. I prefer them to be indifferent to my presence. 9/10.

CONVENIENCE

It is on the Academic Quad but in a somewhat awkward spot. It is not usually the bathroom closest to your route, but it’s often not far off. 7/10

HOW MANY THINGS DO I HAVE TO TOUCH

This is the first bathroom I have reviewed this semester that includes a hands-free option for hand drying. Much like university emails promising “Spring Hope,” the Dyson Airblade V does an excellent job blasting you with hot air. 

The hand dryer is slightly out of place, however, as the rest of this bathroom is quite conventional. The toilet has to be hand-flushed and the sink and soap are likewise manually operated. I guess it was nice that the door was already open on my way in. 6/10.

At an excellent 7.5, Lincoln Filene’s lavatories are a great option for people looking to get away from the hustle and bustle of the Academic Quad.