Gentle Reader,
Welcome back, for the final time, to “Hearts on the Hill.” Here we are — our last lap around the sun. I warned you a couple of weeks ago that this last edition would come with a certain sentimentality that might be off-putting to my underclassmen readers. I’ll insert that reminder again here, for those like me who are avoiding thinking about the passage of time.
Ironically, I will hold the rest of my romanticisms for the time being because we have a lot to get to.
As with most endings, today’s has a full agenda. In an attempt to leave none of you waiting for advice, I’d like to try out a new format for our last column together. I’m going to rapid fire, reviewing any outstanding responses from you all.
YEARNER #1: “Hi! I think one of the sink workers is really cute but I’m scared to make a move. I don’t know if I’m his type :( What should I do?”
Even without the time constraint of today’s packed schedule, I would keep my response to you, Yearner 1, short and simple. With a few fleeting days left of the spring semester, you owe it to yourself to put yourself out there. Plus, a little flirting at The Sink is harmless at worst, and invigorating at best.
YEARNER #2: “Hot take: I don’t want to be friends with my failed situationship.”
Valid.
YEARNER #3: “I’m over my ex, but I’m not completely over the emotions of the breakup, which left me hurt and scared to love someone again. But now I have feelings for a new person that I want to pursue. I’m scared of messing up — how do I know if I’m ready to be in a new relationship?”
The fact that you care enough to ask yourselves these questions is half the battle. Ultimately, you can only know how you’ll feel by trying. Take it slow, and let me know how it goes.
YEARNER #4: “For several years, I only dated women and identified as a lesbian. I now find myself in a relationship with a man (been many months now). I adore him and there’s literally nothing wrong with the relationship but... I miss women. Thoughts? Suggestions? Help, please.”
Sexuality is super complicated. And it’s fluid. I don’t want to pry, but how much are you missing women? Wondering what else is out there is completely natural and doesn’t mean you aren’t fulfilled in your relationship. If your thoughts become all-consuming, you may owe your partner a conversation.
YEARNER #5: “I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks, and we both really like each other and are not seeing anyone else. However, school is about to end, and we will be away from each other all summer. We both agree getting into a relationship right before school ends is not the best idea, but I could definitely see us being bf/gf next year back at Tufts, although we haven't talked about that. Although I am happy being exclusive right now, I don’t think I want to be exclusive over the summer. The summer is a long time to be tied down to someone who I’m not in a relationship with. How do I have this conversation with him? I don’t want him to think I don’t care about him or think I’m more interested in hook-ups or hurt his feelings. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated!”
See, I’m not the only one wringing my hands about the passage of time. Honestly, Yearner 5, I think you have it figured out more than most of us. Have a transparent conversation with your boyfriend. Tell him exactly what you’ve told me. If it’s meant to work out, everything will settle when you’re both back at school. I’m rooting for you two.
YEARNER #6: “So my friend had a crush on a straight person as a queer individual and struggled to let it go. This was last year. Now, they’ve developed another one on another straight person and I don’t know how to tell them that it won’t work.”
This is one of those situations that can only be lived through. My heart goes out to your friend. Let them live through this era and be a shoulder to cry on when, inevitably, it comes crashing down.
YEARNER #7: “I have a crush on a friend who’s already in a relationship. I feel like I should try to avoid them and wait until the feelings go away, but I don’t want them to interpret that as me not caring about them at all. What should I do?”
This is a super hard place to be. You can give yourself some healthy distance, but I don’t think avoiding your friend is going to make your feelings go away. If you can exist in the gray area for a little bit, then that might be your best bet. Love is confusing, and it’s easy for its different forms to get tangled.
YEARNER #8: “I think I may be worrying about this prematurely but from time to time I can’t help but feel study abroad looming. How does a couple go about staying together during study abroad? What conversations should be had? What if traveling to visit each other isn’t feasible?”
I happen to have experience in this particular area, so thanks for writing in. I can only give you the 2 cents that I have gathered over the past couple of years. A relationship only exists day by day. I’m sorry if that doesn’t provide the solace that you were hoping for. But, it’s the truth. You can control what you want today. You can do the same thing tomorrow. There’s something beautiful about recommitting to the same person every day. And your fear of the future is your desire to keep someone you love around. That’s pretty beautiful, too.
Honestly, the conversations can wait. Enjoy the time you have together now, and as study abroad gets closer, you can communicate a plan that will work for both of you then.
I guess I lost sight of the rapid-fire nature of my responses towards the end there. Sorry about that. This column is as much for me as it is for all of you. It has helped me process my own relationships during my last semester here at Tufts.
So thank you for your honesty and vulnerability in your submissions every week. That’s what love is all about, right? All we can do is wear our hearts on our sleeves and hope they make it up the hill.
With love always,
Julia
