This past weekend, I made the long and grueling journey all the way back to the Motherland. In other words, I comfortably slept on the Amtrak for 2 ½ to go home for the weekend. Even though I already had a special spring break edition for last week’s kitchen write-up, I knew I had to seize the opportunity to cook in my very own home kitchen as a nod to my culinary roots.
So on Saturday, I baked up a batch of cupcakes to test out my family’s space with my new critical lens on kitchens. I’m adjusting my typical criteria to better fit the home kitchen, so I will rate my kitchen based on functionality, vibes, lighting, design and quality of the food.
You may be worried that rating my own kitchen may be a conflict of interest. But fear not, dear reader, because it is true that everyone is their own worst critic. I’m not afraid to speak my truth.
I will start with functionality. My dad prides himself on being “neat, clean and organized,” and this is true for my kitchen. Everything is easy to find. Dishes are organized and accessible. The sink is large and deep. There is ample clean counter space. Where it falls short, though, is every Type A person’s worst nightmare: the lazy Susan.
I have never seen a lazy Susan that is able to remain organized. Susan, you failed us all. Your laziness has spread across America. Who thought that a large, deep corner cabinet with rotating shelves was a good idea? Whatever the reason, these things are impossible to keep neat, and my kitchen is no exception. Engineering students, please find a solution. However, this is a minor infraction, so I rate the kitchen as “good” on functionality.
For lighting, the kitchen is as bright as can be, thanks to my mom’s strict criterion of “needing to see what she is doing” in the Great Renovation of 2016. Well, turns out she was right, without even knowing that her kitchen’s reputation would later be on the line in a college newspaper publication. I rate our lighting as “excellent.”
As for design, the colors all go together. My one qualm, though, is the white cabinets. Grazing the cabinet with the force of a light breeze is enough for a mark to show up. Actually, if you simply looked at these cabinets the wrong way, some sort of stain would show up from your gaze.
The countertop, however, is a nice mix of colors. The backsplash is a similar color scheme, although slightly boring for my taste. The adjacent dining room makes mealtime convenient. Overall, the design is inoffensive.
The cupcakes were impeccable. No notes. If I had a British accent, I could go on “The Great British Bake Off” (2010–) with these. Praise to my girl Ina Garten (if you know, you know).
As for vibes, this was relaxing. I listened to a podcast as I baked, without any fear of whether or not there would be an oven. While the vibes were not the typical hype I would look for, this was a peaceful experience.
Overall ratings:
Functionality: 8/10
Lighting: 10/10
Design: 7/10
Meal: 10/10
Vibes: 9/10
Recommendations: If you’re ever in the Greater Portland area of Maine and feel like cooking, let me know. I’m sure we can make something work.
