On this Monday Night's Raw, Bad Ass Billy Gunn returned from his six-month absence to give Stone Cold Steve Austin information about last November's hit and run. After a long in-ring argument between Austin and Mick Foley about the Rattlesnake's (Austin) brutal investigative tactics, Foley called Mr. Ass into the ring to provide new information on the attack.
While Bad Ass vehemently denied being involved in the assault, he did claim to know the identity of the true perpetrator. Of course he did not reveal who the person was, simply saying, "He had blond hair." Nonetheless, Stone Cold gave him a stunner, asserting "I never really liked you much anyway." Just when we thought the Austin mystery might finally end, the storyline was hopelessly extended.
In one of the more hilarious portions of the night, the Right to Censor was shown outside of the arena in Washington D.C., burning this month's Playboy, which features WWF Superstar Chyna nude. This small-scale satire of World War II-era Nazi book burnings provided lots of laughs - and was probably something that everyone who bought the issue wanted to do as well.
Speaking of this month's Playboy, our issues came one week late, and it wasn't really worth the wait after all. After viewing the second shot of Chyna's nude, muscular, overly chiseled rear end, we decided that there was no need to view any more. Most people we know agreed and found her utterly repugnant. However, we must admit that two anonymous fraternity brothers found her to be "strangely attractive."
Hoping to avenge the continued and constant assault against them, Chyna and fianc?© Eddie Guererro took on Steven Richards and Val Venis of the Right to Censor. After about ten minutes of meaningless action, Stone Cold stormed into the ring and stunned all members of RTC as well as Eddie Guererro. We are supposed to believe Austin was merely continuing his "investigative assaults," but it's more likely that he couldn't tolerate the mediocrity in the ring any more than we could.
Commissioner Mick Foley then came to the ring to declare that he was the boss and that Austin should not interfere in matches. Stone Cold stopped him dead in the middle of his speech and applied the stunner. After cleaning house, Austin proceeded to chug about 20 beers, thrown to him by the crowd, in a matter of three minutes. This very public binge-drinking feat was quite impressive (and we are well schooled in the area).
Clearly the new storyline appears to be leading to a power struggle between Stone Cold and Mick Foley. We now place Mick Foley atop the list of possibilities for Austin's assailant, or at the very least having allied himself with the guilty wrestler. As for the tie-in with the "blond hair" clue, who is to say that it wasn't Vince McMahon wearing a blond wig? That would be quite humorous.
In the final match, Triple-H took on Kurt Angle for what was seemingly the millionth time. Before the match, the Game instructed Stephanie to stay in the locker room and not accompany him to the ring. Of course, she came down in the middle of the action and distracted her husband, which eventually led to an Olympic slam and a victory for Kurt Angle. Once again, Chris Benoit was thrust into the Love Triangle, coming down to distract Triple-H while Angle defeated him. Why does Chris Benoit continue to be included among the top storylines? He has no personality, isn't overly interesting, and isn't even an above-average wrestler.
Furthermore, how much longer can they continue the Angle-Triple-H-Stephanie saga? It really boggles the mind that the WWF can place all of their top heels in angles against each other and still make the crowd hate all of them. We hope that the feud will end and Angle will be put where he belongs, challenging the Rock for the WWF title. We would also like Chris Benoit to leave the wrestling business to the professionals.
In an effort aimed at perhaps transforming Triple-H back to a full-blown heel, he was shown arguing with Stephanie after the match and violently turning his back to her. However, he continues to straddle the fence between good and bad: He is humorous and crowd-pleasing at the onset of the shows, but always manages to perform like a heel in his matches. If we do know one thing, though, his arms get bigger every time we see him on T.V. We only hope the Game can escape this drawn-out, limiting saga, so that his range of talent can be seen in other ways. Tune in next week to see if he does.
