This week's issue is dedicated to all the haters out there. Phenom & Giddy entertain some horrendous contributions to HipHop.
Phenom says these singles are a pile of PHEces
Master P - Oooohhhweee (No Limit/Priority)
Make em stop, UUUnnnhhhh! Na, na, no more. Master P, I beg you to stop trying to capitalize on phrases, styles, and ideas that are already out. Be a risk taker! Give us something new! It's a shame when you're a well-known, successful rapper and little-known rapper Big Scoob has a better song than yours with the same title. "Mary had a big ol' butt, them tight ass jeans is sho'/ and every club that Mary was at, them thugs is sure to go." Oh God, no, you're so busy reading nursery rhymes to your son Lil' Romeo that you're trying to work them into your verses.K.Solo - The Answerback (DMX Diss)
Redman's cousin jackin' for DMX beats trying to get his name in common rap conversation. Basically, he used to rhyme with DMX way back and there was some "beef." Years later, he wants to come back and start something. Number 1: Just being related to Redman does not make you a good rapper. Number 2: Rhyme in time with the beat(s) next time. Number 3: Make a diss record in a timely manner, in other words when the beef actually occurs - not years later when no one cares. Number 4: Your status is way below that of DMX; battle with someone you have a chance against.This leads me to a topic that must be dealt with immediately: sub-par rappers trying to battle the elite. Jayo Felony, get off Jay-Z. K. Solo, remove yourself from DMX's jock. Cormega, you have some skills, but you're not Nas. Now Nas vs. Jay-Z on the other hand - this is a battle to keep an eye on. Be sure to check out Nas' "Stillmatic" and Jay-Z's "The Takeover." Lyrical highlights include... Nas: "H to the izzO, M to the izzO, fa shizzle you phony, the rapper version of Sisqo." Jay-Z: "Fell from top 10 to not mentioned at all, to your bodyguard's 'Oochie Wally' verse is better than yours."
Nas' new album Stillmatic is being recorded right now in Bermuda to prevent bootlegging as much as possible. Once the album makes way into NYC, expect things to heat up amidst the cold winter breeze.
Giddy Says These Singles are Just Plain ShIDDY
Busta Rhymes - As I Come Back (J Records)
Busta Rhymes has definitely been consistent - each solo album gets worse. While his name garners interest from hip-hop heads, music is what matters. As a result, following seemingly every other artist, Busta hooks up with the Neptunes in a song that does not cater to his off-the-wall style. While the beat is catchy (which is typical of the Neptunes) the combination fails to deliver.
Fat Joe - My Lifestyle (Atlantic)
Joe, we know you're a thug. How 'bout you rhyme about something different this time? Is it me or is every song Fat Joe writes about how he's thuggin' it, such as "We Thuggin'" featuring R. Kelly? Besides the repetitive theme, the beat is weak, the lyrics are elementary, and songs like this come a dime a dozen.Rayvon feat. Shaggy, Rik Rok, Brian and Tony Gold - 2 Way (MCA)
Whatever happened to being original and coming up with something on your own? Months after Ginuwine's album featuring a song entitled 2 Way with a two-way pager in the hook comes this half-baked attempt to create I don't even know what kind of song.
The only catchy part of this song is the two-way pager in the background, which adds more to the song than any of the vocalists. But that doesn't mean the recurring beeping of the pager does isn't annoying, because it definitely is. In other words, this song is a sad attempt to capitalize on a theme that's not even popular today.
Giddy Continues to take pIDDY on some Albums
Benzino - The Benzino Project (Motown)
Benzino rhymes about how "hard" he is...please, he owns The Source. Benzino, formerly of Made Men and The Almighty RSO, has for some reason decided to drop an album, probably hoping David Mays can still pull some strings and put an extra mic in The Source for him. Unfortunately he doesn't realize that his Source doesn't know what good music is.The only halfway decent part of this album is the first single released, entitled "Bang Ta Dis." It's fitting that Mobb Deep was in the video for this song, because it seems this beat should have been on one of their albums. Instead, the beat was wasted on Benzino. Nevertheless, it's only the beat worth listening to. Check out this classic line: "Ayo, stop what you're doin' an bang ta this/ Put ya glass down and grab a chick/ Don't even thing you can hang with this/ None of y'all fools can hang with this...Blunts, bitches, clips, guns, bars, bricks, whips, funds."
These pathetic lyrics focus on one thing - how Benzino is a thug, even though we hear that all the time. He owns a multi-million dollar publication; it's hard to see him getting grimy in his spare time.
Mariah Carey - Glitter (Virgin)
Often there are times when soundtracks outshine the movies they accompany. This is one of those times, but that's not saying much considering the popularity of the movie Glitter. In an attempt to capture the feel of the eighties and also work towards creating a more mature sound, Mariah Carey succeeds. But in trying to create an album worth listening to, she fails. Not only does the album have no continuity, her attempts to recreate classic 80's songs fall short and cannot compare to the songs she remakes.By looking at the first three releases from the soundtrack ("Loverboy Remix," "Never Too Far," and "Don't Stop") we see the problem that Carey has wrestled with for years - and the main problem of this album. Should she cater to the urban audience by cranking out hip-hop/R&B hybrids or should she cater to a wider audience by hammering out one of her patented ballads? This conflict constantly rears its ugly head throughout the album, removing any sense of fluidity.
The guest appearances on the album from the likes of Mystikal, Ludacris, Da Brat and others are more memorable than Carey's performance. It seems more like a compilation album, made simply to feature other artists. Roughly split evenly between up-tempo dance songs and emotional ballads, the results highlight the best and worst of what Carey is capable of.
While this soundtrack has a few highlights, the overall package lacks what got Carey her fame - her voice and consistency. While the ballads highlight her singing talent, there is no mistaking that she isn't quite what she used to be. And the shift between 80's dance songs, ballads, and rap/R&B songs don't fit well together. This soundtrack is definitely not glitter; it's more like dust.
