Q: Dear Dr. K,
This is going to sound ridiculous, but lately one of my friends has been accusing me of trying to copy her. She says that I wear the exact same outfits as her, and thinks that I'm trying to be like her. I think it's just a coincidence that we happen to like the same things, from music to clothes. She's been avoiding me lately because she seems to be freaked out by our similarities. What should I do?
- My friend is weird
A: Here's what you should do: try to catch a glimpse of her one day before she heads out to class, taking care to notice what she's wearing. Then, before she sees you, go into your closet and find the exact same outfit (right down to the shoes if you can) and wear it around proudly all day. Whenever you see her, go right up to her and act super friendly and really excited to see her. Tell her emphatically that you absolutely love her outfit. Try to keep a straight face the whole time.
Later on, you should try the more serious approach. Hopefully this little joke will loosen her up (unless she has no sense of humor whatsoever) and will give you a chance to lightly poke fun at her strange accusations. Before you mock her further, just make sure she's not a paranoid-schizophrenic or anything like that. You should have a real heart-to-heart with her, telling her that you really don't mean to "copy" her. In fact, you can point out that the reason you became friends in the first place was probably because you had so many similarities - after all, that's how people bond. You like the same music, the same shops at the mall, etc.
Maybe your friend is going through a rough time right now and is taking it out on you. Often, people take out their aggression and anger on those closest to them. She may be upset about something, and instead of confronting the real problem, has decided to get on your case about this trivial matter. Point out to her that your friendship means too much to be thrown away because you dress alike or listen to the same CDs. Ask her if there's anything else going on that she wants to vent about. Suggest going for dinner or coffee, and spend some time talking it out. Just make sure not to order the same thing as her, or things might get complicated.
Q: Dear Dr. K,
I'm a senior and I'll be graduating in six short months! I've been thinking about my future a lot lately, and I know that it is premature, but I am getting scared of aging. Wrinkles and sagging and gray hair and dentures... the idea has been depressing me a lot lately. When I close my eyes to see the future, I see a mostly deaf, Depends-wearing, wrinkly, old bag rolling around the home in a wheelchair. How can I get this out of my mind?
- Senile in Somerville
A: Is your bladder really letting loose uncontrollably in the middle of the campus center? Have you been finding your teeth falling out lately with every bite of your Brown and Brew sandwich? Finding a stray gray hair every time you look in the mirror? If so, you may want to check in with your doctor to make sure you don't have progeria or something like that. But I'm going to take a wild guess that you aren't nearly at the point of dentures and diapers.
Before you go rushing to such drastic realizations about your future, take a second to think about how old you really are. You are a senior in college, not a senior citizen! Since you're probably at the glorious age of 21, or the slightly less exciting age of 22, you've got a good 60+ years to go before you can really give up on most bodily functions. Right now is likely the most exciting time of your life yet - you are an adult, but that doesn't mean you can't still live your life youthfully. As the old clich?© goes, you're only as old as you feel. I've met pre-teens who have given truly wise advice, and 60 year-olds who are more energetic than most college students I know. Hold on to the way you feel, and don't waste your time worrying about how you'll look and feel when you're 80.
Of course, it's good to think about your future health, so if you aren't taking care of your health then perhaps now is a good time to think about treating your body well. If you don't exercise, then you should start, and make sure to keep a healthy diet and drinking at a reasonable level (whatever that may be...). Treating yourself well now will certainly be reflected in your physical health in years to come, so be good to your body.
The bottom line is this: if you spend every day thinking and fretting about growing old, then all the wonderful experiences in life will pass you by. Don't do this to yourself. Instead, realize that life is only going to get more exciting once you graduate. You will be able to focus on achieving your life goals, meeting new people, living in different places, traveling, and many more wonderful things. Life does not end once you graduate - it only marks the beginning of a new, amazing stage that you will encounter. Enjoy the ride.
