Yesterday when I sat down to write my column a terrible thing happened to me: I couldn't think of anything to write about, and I was already in a bad mood. I needed a victim to take my wrath out on. I talked to a few people, including a member of the women's basketball team who wanted me to write about her. I was going to take her advice, but then it occurred to me that she might not like my sense of humor, and I don't want her to hate me. So I had no choice but to turn my attention to another school, "Cornell" and one of its athletes, my friend, "Joey Smith." (I have changed Joey's name and school in order to protect his identity.) When I told Joey I had nothing to write about he said, and I quote, "Talk about your friend [me] who used to be fat and now runs for [Cornell], but embellish a little and call [me] Mr. Twinkie." Well you asked for it Mr. Twinkie. The following is a partially true, mostly made up story about Joey Smith.
On Saturday night Cornell's Joseph Smith made track history. After being amongst the slowest runners in White Plains high school history, recording a 12-minute mile in his first high school race, Smith completed the transformation from high school butterball to college All-American by clocking in at 4:15 in the Ivy Championships.
Even more remarkable than the 4:15 mile is the fact that Smith completed this transformation in a mere year and a half. After being a pitiful excuse for a runner in ninth, tenth and eleventh grades, Smith finally began to make strides during his senior year of high school. By his freshman year at college he was an All-American.
"Before 12th grade, we never really practiced," Smith said. "Instead of going on distance runs, we would jog across the street from school to my friend Obey Fusco's house and smoke some grass and drink a few beers. Then in 12th grade Fusco and all the other potheads quit or graduated, so I had nothing to do at practice except to run. It wasn't like I would smoke alone at practice. Besides, my mom stopped giving me money to support my drug habit anyway."
So after not completing a mile faster than eight minutes prior to his senior season, Smith's newfound dedication to practice completely transformed him to the point where he consistently completed the mile in under five and a half minutes.
"I became dedicated to my training," Smith said. "Instead of smoking when I was supposed to be running I would run three blocks to my friend Steven Thompson's house, chug a few beers, play an hour of track and field video games on his old Sega, and then sprint back to school."
His former high school coach, Ed Donahue, had nothing but fond memories of Smith. "Joey was such a great kid," Donahue said. "His first couple years he practiced hard to no avail but everything seemed to come together for him during his senior season. I will never forget how he always came back from a hard practice with his face flushed and his eyes bloodshot. Wow, he really gave it his all during practice. I wish all our runners cared half as much as Joey did."
Six months into his college career when Joey ran a 4:15 mile, the metamorphosis was complete, although one couldn't really notice any physical difference between the 14-year old version of Smith or the "toned, athletic" 18-year old edition.
"I still have 18 percent body fat even though I run 60 miles a week in between drinking Guinness and smoking with my frat brothers," Smith said. "While this is a fairly normal percentage of body fat for a non-athlete, most Cornell runners have percentages around ten, maybe less."
Still, Smith had trouble pinpointing what led to his emergence as a great runner. "I'm not sure how I got good," he said. "In 12th grade I stopped smoking for a year and I got a little faster. But in college I got hooked again. I do drink a higher quality of beer with my frat brothers than I did in White Plains - that could be it. But to be honest, I'm not really sure how I got to be so fast. I guess maybe I run a few more blocks during practice than I used to but I dunno."
While it may have been running those extra "blocks" that caused Smith to become faster, it may also have been his natural talents finally beginning to poke through his chubby exterior. Although Smith may not look exactly like a stereotypical athlete, there is no doubt that he does have athletic genes. His father is a scratch golfer and his mother is the best tennis player at the family's snooty country club. In fact, it was Mrs. Martha Smith who inspired her son to start running track.
"When I had just finished up eighth grade and couldn't keep up with her on the tennis courts, we both realized there was a problem," Smith said. "I would walk onto the court with her and then would have to stop for a water break and a quick nap. Mom's personal trainer wouldn't even look me in the eye. My mother was very impatient with me but she inspired me."
"I love my son," Mrs. Smith said. "I didn't want him turning out like his father. All my husband does is drink whisky, smoke cheap cigars, play golf, play poker and hang out at Smith and Wolensky's Steakhouse with his buddies. He doesn't even go to work anymore. Three or four times a week, he goes to the race track and wastes the money that he should be spending on my masseuse. I wanted a better life for my boy."
With her eldest son a success on the track and in the midst of getting an Ivy League education, Mrs. Smith has turned her attention to her middle child Petey, an eighth grader who looks and acts eerily similar to his older brother.
"Back in eighth grade I was a sucker for ice cream Sundays, apple pies, beer, and marijuana, cigarettes too," Smith said. "I wanted to be a pro golfer like my dad, at least that's what I think he does. Or maybe he rides horses. I'm not sure. Oh well. But the point is that my mother made me join the track team in ninth grade and that changed my life. I know she will do the same for my brother."
