In recent years, a number of prominent members of the sports world have been in the news - not for their actions in the athletic arena, but rather for what they chose to do when they are not competing or coaching.
The following is a "celebrity death match" featuring a number of these famous sports figures who can't seem to stay out of trouble. Each match will pit two of these notable personalities in a battle to the death (well, almost). In a slight variation on the normal rules, the competitors will not exactly fight to the death, due to the fact that they already have enough legal problems to deal with. So who will come out on top? Let's find out.
Deshawn Stevenson ("gun") vs. Jayson Williams (semi-automatic)
Earlier this year, Deshawn Stevenson, a rookie guard for the Utah Jazz, was put on probation after being convicted of engaging in sex with a minor. Currently, former New Jersey Net Jason Williams is facing manslaughter charges after allegedly killing his limousine driver by accident. In this battle between NBA stars of past and future, the big question here is whose gun is more powerful?
In a showdown between two very large men, Stevenson quickly finds himself at a disadvantage. His gun doesn't have quite the range of William's weapon. Realizing this handicap, Stevenson approaches Williams and tries to sweet talk him. Williams turns down Stevenson's overtures, despite clearly being flattered by some of his opponent's pickup lines. Stevenson thinks about attempting to overpower the 6'10" Williams but then remembers that Jayson was a rugged interior player during his NBA days, whereas Stevenson is a guard.
Seeing no other option, Stevenson flees to the other side of the ring. Meanwhile, Williams has problems of his own. Overridden by fear, Stevenson has now become a moving target, running around the ring like a lunatic. Allegedly, Mr. Williams only has experience shooting at stationary targets such as Jets wide receiver Wayne Crebet and his own limousine driver. After firing a few shots, like he reportedly used to do in the Meadowlands parking lot, Williams gets frustrated and calls Stevenson over to make a deal. The pair agrees to a cease-fire and because of the piety they display in the ring, Stevenson and Williams instantaneously sign endorsement deals with Trojan and the NRA, respectively.
Lamar Odom (piece pipe) vs. Bobby Knight (hands)
For the second time in two seasons, the NBA suspended LA Clippers forward Lamar Odom after he tested positive for marijuana use. Last year Bobby Knight was fired as head coach at Indiana University after numerous incidents, including a particular instance when Mr. Knight choked one of his players.
Prior to the "Death Match," Odom decides to smoke a little chronic to get himself in the right frame of mind. Unfortunately, he smokes a bit too much and is in the midst of a laughing fit when the bell sounds to begin the fight. Knight immediately assumes that Odom is laughing at him, and lectures the young man about having respect for "authority figures." Odom continues to laugh and Knight immediately reaches for the throat of the Clippers' forward. Despite the obvious pain that Knight inflicts as he rings Odom's neck, the big forward manages to hold the pipe steady in his mouth and keeps on puffing.
Knight, temporarily blinded by the smoke emitted from Mr. Odom's pipe, loosens his grip. Odom breaks free and forces coach Knight to take a hit. Knight takes a tremendous puff and immediately feels the effects of the marijuana (obviously he has smoked before). The drug quickly changes Knight's disposition, and Knight tells Odom that he wants to be friends and to call him "Bobby." Knight takes another huge hit before breaking into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, which causes him to collapse on the mat in hysterics. Coach Knight tries to call a timeout but the referee ignores his request. Odom rushes in to pin Knight. After the fight, Coach Knight berates the referee and throws a chair into the ring in protest.
Jason Kidd (fist) vs. Stephon Marbury (beer bottle)
This matchup is main attraction as Jason Kidd and Stephon Marbury have a history. During last offseason, Kidd and Marbury were traded for each other. It is also widely speculated that Phoenix Suns' owner Jerry Colangelo traded Kidd because it tarnished his organization's reputation after Kidd admitted to punching his wife in the face. Marbury, the former New Jersey Nets' discontent, was expected to replace Kidd on the court while living a wholesome life off of it. Recently, Mr. Marbury was arrested for an extreme DUI.
While it is unclear what Marbury's drink of choice is, for this showdown he chooses to use a broken bottle of Miller High Life as a weapon. Due to the size of the ring, Marbury can not drive his car into the arena. Marbury, a notorious shoot first point guard, decides that he needs to take the first shot so he fast approaches Kidd and takes a swing with the broken beer bottle. Marbury's swing grazes off Kidd's shoulder. Mr. Kidd, a patient player who is always in control on the court, ignores the blow. Marbury continues to take swipes with the broken bottle, but the smooth Kidd, a great defender, goes on the defensive and dodges the blows, waiting patiently for his opportunity to strike.
Passing up opportunities to throw up a shot of his own, the speedy Kidd runs around the ring while Marbury, always on the attack, pursues him. In a classic game of cat and mouse, Marbury, the cat, grows tired from the pursuit and when this happens, Kidd, the mouse, who knows how to pick his spots, knocks Marbury out with a right hook to the jaw. Content to let Marbury get all the highlights, Kidd wins this match how he always does, by doing the little things right and then coming through in the clutch.
