Genital warts: another reason to have sex with the lights on

Whenever my mother tells me about her escapades of the 1960s, she always ends by saying "it was a different time then, sweetie." (Her version of do as I say, not as I did.) In the decade of free love and hot tub orgies, casual sex did not pose much of a risk beyond that of pregnancy. These days, unprotected sex is likely to leave one with bumps, rashes, and unexplained genital dripping.

The most common STD that affects our age group is Human papillomavirus (HPV), the virus that causes genital warts. The Center for Disease Control (CDC) estimates that up to 75 percent of sexually active men and women will get a genital HPV infection in their lifetime. Unless you are a nun, a priest, or just spit real bad game, most likely this virus will affect you.

Acne is to teens what genital warts is to sex: painful and ugly. On page 494 of my "Sexuality Today" textbook, there is a picture of genital warts that has almost left me vowing to a life of celibacy. The head of the penis looks more like the mane of a lion than part of the male anatomy. Although popular slang refers to the vagina as a small feline, I would certainly freak out if mine looked like one. Rule number one of having genitalia: if it begins to resemble an animal, go see a practitioner.

Healthcare providers urge young men to "cover their stump before they hump." Yes, sex is safer with condoms, but you can't just slap one on and assume that it is straight to screw. Condoms are latex, not magic. And though your stump may be covered, you testicles are still flapping in the wind. Genital warts affect not only the genitals, but the entire "boxer short" area as well. This means that unless you fornicate in a wet suit, there is a lot of "at risk" skin exposed even when using a condom.

According to the CDC, not everyone with HPV develops genital warts. In fact, most HPV infections are asymptomatic. Since there is no way to test for the virus until symptoms occur, most carriers are unaware that they are infected. However, HPV is most contagious in carriers with symptoms, so it is useful to scout out your partner's genital area before having sex.

You would never pitch a tent without first examining the area for rocks, roots, or uncomfortable slants. There is no reason that sex should be any different. I'm not suggesting that you bring a magnifying glass to your booty calls, only that you leave the lights on and engage in a little oral sex before the big bang.

There are countless reasons you can cite for not wanting to turn out the lights. My personal favorite is "baby, leave the lights on, I wanna see every part of you." And that's not a lie, it's just a little more palatable than "hun, I wanna see if your sex organs are growing barnacles." It's a win-win situation; you get to check for lumps and sores, and your partner thinks you're sensitive and kinky (score two for the home team).

There is no cure for HPV, although the warts themselves can be removed. After contracting the virus, it can take the symptoms anywhere from three weeks to several years develop. So unless you are coming off a five-year dry spell, you can't assume that your most recent partner is the one who gave you genital warts.

Part of life is taking risks, and sex is no exception. These days you have to be smart about who you have sex with and the type of protection you use. Just as the DMV encourages defensive driving, I'd like to encourage defensive screwing: screw as though everyone in your bed has an STD. Bestiality isn't that much of a turn on; don't let your penis grow a mane.

If you need more information about genital warts, please contact Health Services or visit www.cdc.gov/std/.