Private Parts: Why do I write about sex

Traditionally, sex has been a private act. Although we engage in it, we're often squeamish when discussing it. We refrain from writing home about our latest conquests, and when we open our campus paper on a random Wednesday, we don't expect to see a column about semen. We proceed unfazed when we encounter a sex scene in a movie, or a steamy perfume add in a magazine. Yet when the word, "vagina," is printed on page three of The Tufts Daily, it gets our attention.

I write about sex because we need to know more about it than what is just in movies and advertisements. Sure we could go down to the Health Center and pick up those pretty colored pamphlets about STD's, or we could ask the nurse to explain to us how to find the g-spot. Call me a cynic, but the last time the whole campus gathered on Professors Row was freshman orientation. We have sex, we see sex, and we think about sex, so shouldn't we talk about it too?

Last spring, I took Psychology 55, Human Sexual Behavior (which I recommend to anyone who thinks they might ever get lucky). It seemed as though I left every class with five good reasons to never so much as look at a penis again. I am a slight conspiracy theorist, but I really do believe that if we are not careful, sexually transmitted diseases are going to take over the world.

The Committee on Prevention and Control of STDs in 1997 predicted that 20 percent of the US population has an incurable STD, and ten million people under 25 become infected with an STD each year. Calvin Klein doesn't plaster these statistics on half naked bodies, and you don't see Hollywood studs saying, "Sorry my love, I can't penetrate you. There's a strange yellow liquid dripping out of your womanliness."

The only truly risk-free way to get off is masturbation. In nearly all sexual encounters that involve a partner, there is some chance of either becoming pregnant or contracting an STD. Since we risk our health to engage in sex, it is crucial that we at least enjoy it.

Men, on the whole, do not usually have a problem enjoying sex. If you leave a guy in a room with a water-based lubricant and a playboy, he probably won't have difficulty in getting the job done. Again, when in a situation with a partner, the majority of men ejaculate nearly every time without fail. In this respect, there is a great disparity between men and women's sex lives.

The National Health and Social Life Survey in 1992, which included over 3,000 participants, found that 26 percent of sexually active women did not regularly reach orgasm (as opposed to eight percent of men). I am not so pessimistic as to think that a quarter of women's sex organs are inadequate, or that this discrepancy is a result of sheer apathy on the part of the male. Sexual ignorance is the major contributing factor to women's lack of satisfaction. It's not that we don't care; it's that we don't know, and no one is telling us.

Sex is a skill, and all skills must be honed. We all want to believe we have the best hip gyrations since Elvis, but unless we've had a partner who taught us the tricks of the trade, we're probably not that awesome in bed. No one is born a natural "good lay," just as no one is born knowing how to do multi-variable calculus. Sure, some are predisposed to perform better, but everyone has to study to ace the test.

"Between the Sheets" is my effort to get the Tufts community to talk openly about sex, and be more informed. I hope that my column will leave you with a better understanding of how to please your partner, yourself, and at the same time, stay protected.

If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to e-mail me at sex@tuftsdaily.com.