Last week my sister Alyssa, a high school junior, asked me how I chose Tufts. Out of all of the colleges, universities, junior colleges, technical institutes, distance learning programs, and online programs, why Tufts?
A daunting question, yes, but nonetheless, I tried to answer honestly. Aside from the beautiful campus and close proximity to downtown Boston, the main reason I chose Tufts was because of my tour guide, Josh. He was energetic, funny, witty, and seemed like he truly enjoyed being at Tufts. Josh showed us his typical college dorm room (a quad in West) and told us about the scrumptious dining hall food, the history of Jumbo, and an intriguing event called "The Naked Quad Run."
However, what interested me the most was when he talked about student organizations and the possibility of creating your own club. According to Josh, worthwhile and productive groups such as the Simpson's Club and the Monty Python Society were just two examples of the genius spawned by Tufts' finest. In fact, during his sophomore year, Josh started Paradox, a long forgotten, yet still valuable group to have on campus.
Paradox, Tufts' only coed a cappella group with instruments, is currently defunct and unrecognized by the TCU Senate and TCU Judiciary _ but not for long.
There are five reasons why Paradox should be revived.
First, Tufts simply does not have enough a cappella groups. With a paltry six organizations, Tufts falls well short of Yale University's 17 ensembles (Source: A Cappella Almanac,www.casa.org. Yes, it really exists! I swear!). As the seventh group on campus, Paradox would provide quality music to a university that is severely lacking a cappella entertainment.
Secondly, President Emeritus John DiBiaggio would officially introduce each and every one of Paradox's performances. After a year-and-a-half hiatus, DiBags is ready to resurrect his famed "or, as we here at Tufts like to call them" line.
"And now, I'd like to present Tufts' very first and only co-ed a cappella group with instruments, Paradox. Or, as we here at Tufts like to call them, Para [insert 'the Mates,' 'the Bubs,' or 'the Jills']." How could you not enjoy the show after such an enthusiastic, heart-felt, personal introduction?
Thirdly, using the inspiration of its a cappella peers, Paradox would strive to create innovative and humorous skits. The following is part of a new skit I just came up with:
"In the spirit of The Naked Quad Run here at Tufts, we invite you to join us in imagining what college would be like if everything was done naked."
(Sketchy 70's porn music interlude)
(Said in unison with a hint of surprise) "Naked? Naked? (emphasis) Naked!"
(Bust a move and act cool)
At this point I'm not really sure if it would go over well, but hey, at least it's original, right?
Fourthly, unlike some of the other groups, Paradox will distinguish itself by dressing stylishly. There will be no tight black shirts and pants (although cowboy hats are optional). People who dress as if they're auditioning for American Idol will be immediately kicked out of the group. Bright, solid colored shirts will not be tolerated. And absolutely nobody will be wearing a suit with a football jersey underneath singing, "shoo bee doo wop shoo bee doo wop, magic. That came from the heart." The staples of the dress code will be tacky flannel and plaid shirts that were popular in seventh grade and Converse Chucky T's with obscenities scribbled on the soles. Members will also be required to get bowl cuts and shave the hair out from underneath.
Finally, Paradoxes will never again be lonely, worry about being popular, or be depressed about being single. They will instantly become campus-wide celebrities, looked up to, admired, and desired by all of Tufts. The group will form an unbreakable internal bond by spending 110 percent of their time together (26.4 hours a day). While some would consider this to be an unhealthy time commitment, it is measly in comparison to the 133.3 percent of each day (32 hours) that the other a cappella groups share.
Despite all of the valid motives I listed above, deep down I know the real reason I'm doing this is because it's what Josh would have wanted. Revitalizing Paradox is my way of thanking him for having such a significant impact on my life. Next week you can help me in personally thanking Josh _ and all of those influential people in our lives _ by signing Paradox's petition for TCU recognition and funding. Also, tryouts will be held next Wednesday; remember to wear your flannel shirts.
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