Memorial service honors fire victim

Bouquets of purple tulips _ Wendy Carman's favorite flower _ graced the podium in Goddard Chapel yesterday afternoon while friends, students, professors, administrators, and local firemen gathered to celebrate the life of the 20-year-old Tufts junior.

Wendy died early Saturday morning after her loft on 20 Harris Rd. caught fire while she was sleeping.

President Larry Bacow told the gathering of people that their presence was, "a loving affirmation of Wendy's life," and proof that, "she touched everyone."

Wendy was a warm person who genuinely cared for her peers and valued her friendships, speakers recalled. "When boy problems arose, Wendy always said, 'everyone thinks college is where you meet your future husband, but it's where you meet your future bridesmaids,'" said junior Maritsa Christoudias.

In his address, Bacow told the Tufts community to remember that life is fragile, and that it is, "a gift, not a given." He told the assembly to make the most of their time at Tufts, to tell others they care about them, and to embrace and support each other.

Bacow advised listeners to savor the simple pleasures in life instead of taking them for granted, and asked that students focus on giving back to one another. "It is in the receiving and in the giving that we truly experience life," he said.

Bacow also requested that students, "honor the vitality Wendy brought to Tufts, and make this a better place _ as she did."

Tears were interrupted by smatterings of laughter and smiles when speakers and audience members described Wendy as upbeat, talkative, and caring. Dean of Students Bruce Reitman said that anecdotes and memories from her friends described Wendy as, "the ultimate people person," and someone who, "made time for everyone."

Junior Joanna Friedman, Wendy's freshman and sophomore year roommate, spoke on behalf of Wendy's close friends, describing her as generous, open-minded, and a person who had no patience for condescension or intolerance from others. Other friends and administrators recalled Wendy for her intelligence, her affinity for dogs, and her love of Kurt Vonnegut and Star Trek. A Spanish major and Art History minor, Wendy planned to spend this semester taking only Spanish classes instead of studying abroad.

Administrators told those in attendance not to be afraid to spend some time mourning for Wendy. "Experience this moment. Let [your feelings] wash over you as they do over all of us," Bacow said. Reitman told the audience to expect that the mourning process would not be easy. "Give yourself time in upcoming days to be sad, angry, or feel that life is unfair," he said.

The family statement that recalled the "tragic accident" and remembered Wendy as a "vibrant" young woman who "loved the solitude of her many books and the company of her many friends," was shared at the opening of the service by University Chaplain Reverend David O'Leary. The statement also said that, "the world is a different place without Wendy," a comment that Bacow said meant, "the world was a better place because she was here."

Bacow also said that Wendy's family has received substantial support from the Tufts community, and that students and faculty have reached out to support one another since the event took place last weekend. Reitman asked that students support each other for a continued period of time, and not just in the next few days and weeks.

Prayers and scriptures shared by University Chaplains Steven Bonsey, Ann Penick, and Rabbi Jeffrey Summit reminded listeners that death is not an end, and that, "a rich life has been lived."

Family members in Washington state were unable to attend, but will be sent a video-taped copy of the service by the University.

A few minutes of silence were followed by O'Leary's closing of the service as he reminded attendees that counseling services are available through Tufts emergency services 24 hours a day.

Family and friends are still in the decision process about whether donations or a fund will be established in Wendy's memory, O'Leary said.