Ask Angie

Q: Angie, every time I go out clubbing with one of my friends, she gets soooo much attention from all the guys. Everyone hits on her, gives her their number, dances with her, and I'm so sick of it. She isn't even pretty. Why doesn't anyone pay attention to me? Do I have to ditch my friend? - Ignored



A: Well, it's not exactly your friend's fault that she gets all the looks, so I wouldn't suggest ditching her over something so petty. After all, why are you going out together? To look for semi-sleazy guys or to spend time together? Sure, it can suck to be pushed to the side, but friends are far more important than some fleeting attention. Now, if she's nothing special to look at, why do you think she's the center of attention? Most likely, it's confidence. It probably oozes from her pores, and can usually make people stand out in a crowd. Instead of fuming over her success, why not ask her how she does it? There's no shame in learning her secrets. Ask if once and a while she'll introduce these new boys to you instead of keeping them all for herself. Even ask if she'll spend more time partying with you and less seeking out the guys, that way you'll both have a more satisfying club experience.



Q: Dear Angie, I've had a girlfriend at school for the past three semesters and when finals roll around I seriously never see her. She locks herself up in her room and studies, and cuts off communication with me. I am getting anxious because this semester's finals are around the corner. I nearly broke up with her last time because I had some crap going on and she wasn't there for me. What can I tell her? -- Scared of Finals



A: I'd suggest talking this out with her before finals start this time around! It's understandable to hide away with a few books to really concentrate on your studies, but it's also unacceptable that she becomes emotionally absent from you. Does she know how close you were to ending it last time around? She may have been so busy studying that she didn't notice. This is the kind of thing you need to tell her to make sure the same stressful situation doesn't resurface. You need to compromise as well, and try to think in terms of her mentality. Maybe you could make study dates together, and plan some of your time together around schoolwork. Let her know that you are available as a great resource - you can spend time together to relieve stress as well. Your anxiety about the whole situation probably makes it worse when it occurs than it actually would have been. Sitting down and getting these feelings out in the open will help ease the tension and prepare you for the weeks ahead.



Q: Angie, I am a junior and something like half of my good friends are abroad this year and specifically this semester. Not only are they off having cool new experiences and I am stuck here, but also they barely even say hello and ask how I am doing. I miss them, but it upsets me. What should I even do? - Back in the US



A: You've spent a good two years at Tufts making friends, and suddenly those friends spread out around the world and it feels like you're back at square one again. This situation is hard on everyone, even the people who go abroad. You may not think about it, but your friends may be wondering why you haven't reached out to them. When people are far away from each other, both parties generally tend to slack on their duties as friends. Your pals have been thrown into strange situations, perhaps speaking a language they are unfamiliar with, and really working to make friends in a situation where they definitely didn't have any before. So if they're then having "cool new experiences," it's no wonder that they don't have a lot of time to keep up - especially when they might be in a really crazy time zone! Try to think of it as your responsibility to keep up with them as well. You said it yourself: you miss them. Write e-mails, make a phone call, send a letter - once the line of communication has been opened, then it might become more active. They may be sitting there wondering the same things about you, and scared that you're off making new friends and doing cool things without them.