Ask Angie

Q: Angie, this summer after we graduate, my girlfriend and I are supposed to be moving in together. I'm okay with the whole thing but she is getting really scared about it as we get closer to the end of the year. She is scared to the point that she's sick all the time, saying she doesn't love me anymore and things to scare me. I think she is getting cold feet, but what can I do? - Moving In?



A: Cold feet, eh? It sounds like her feet are a little bit more than cold! She's obviously so anxious that it's making her physically ill. Maybe that should be telling you something -- she's really not okay with this whole idea. The idea of the permanence of your cohabitation may be what's getting to her -- after all, it's a huge step to move in together and will inevitably change the dynamics of your relationship. She might be saying that she doesn't love you because she's decided that this move together will be disastrous. With that mindset, she'll inevitably make it come true. You may want to talk it out and make this step more of a "trial run." You have to be open to the idea of getting separate places if things don't work out, and if she knows you're willing to do this she may be more keen on giving this a shot.



Q: Dear Angie, an old friend of mine just came back into my life. We used to hook up and now he is 20 and MARRIED to the girlfriend he used to cheat on! When we were just hanging out he was still trying his moves on me. I still want to be friends with him, how can we get past that behavior? - Old Fling



A: Well, obviously the act of making those marriage vows didn't change a thing about your friend. It makes you wonder if that girl knew what she was getting herself into when she committed herself to him -- although she may have seen marriage as a way to save their shaky relationship, which will rarely stop a cheater. A true friendship is probably out of the question at this stage in your lives because his intentions seem to be less than honorable. As long as you're not reciprocating his advances (which would probably be a really bad idea, by the way), there doesn't seem to be any harm in spending time together. If he's making you uncomfortable, it would be best to lay down the ground rules of your friendship as soon as possible. It's possible that since your friendship had previously been based on attraction and flirtation that he is unsure of how to act in any other circumstance. As a friend, it's also your responsibility to push your relationship in a healthy direction, whether that involves time apart or quality time together.



Q: Hello Angie, I'm kind of embarrassed to explain my situation. My mom is pretty young looking and acting. I am 18 and she is 38, she had me when she was in college. When I was just home over Spring Break, and every time I am home, she invites my guy friends over to the apartment and flirts with them in front of me. She even has 20-year-old friends of her own that hang around and think she's really fun and cool. She never realizes how uncomfortable it all makes me, and I seriously don't want to go home anymore. What am I supposed to do? - Distraught Daughter



A: The fact that your mother had you at such a young age probably left her feeling like she never got a chance to really be a care-free young adult. The problem is that you want and deserve a mother, not a flirtatious friend. She likes to surround herself with these young men because they probably make her feel young and confident. I have no idea if you've even told your mom that this behavior bothers you. That's obviously the first step, even though it will probably be the hardest to take. Without honesty on your end, she may have no idea that this is impacting you -- she may feel like she's acting young and cool and you love her for it. If you've talked to her and she is unresponsive, the next step would be to involve a counselor or perhaps another trusted authority figure. Someone needs to intervene and tell her how she is making you feel. Be aware that your mom is at a point her life where she is afraid of getting old -- what she's doing is not to hurt you, but an attempt to cling to something she's afraid is quickly slipping away.