Breasts, sex, and power

As I was growing up, everything was pretty much naked. On a nice day, I'd lay out on my back deck completely nude. If either of my parents happened to walk through the house without clothes on, it just wasn't a big deal. I swam naked with my neighbors in the creek behind my house, and I can't think of one close family friend who I haven't seen in the buff.

Considering the ease with which I both witness and partake in group nudity, most people are shocked when I tell them I get disgusted by wet t-shirt contests and would never participate in one. Some find it bizarre that seeing a post-childbearing body in the nude doesn't faze me, but seeing an 18-year-old flashing her tits to a crowd makes me cringe.

The confusion about my views on nudity can be traced back to the belief that being naked is inherently sexual. But it really isn't at all. Believe me, after growing up around naked 50-year-olds, I have learned to separate one's body from one's sexuality. Viewing all nudity as sexual is an oversimplification that degrades the entire human population to nothing more than sex objects. There's a difference between being naked for comfort and being naked for show.

For me, nudity is not a spectator sport. When it turns into one, that's when you can count me out. I guess I just don't understand how showing the world your knockers is really all that sexy.

Take a moment to pretend you're the "lucky" dude who's hooking up with the hot chick that just flashed 100-plus other guys. How lucky are you really?

Hooking up with a flasher is like getting a birthday present when you know what it is. Yeah, you had the chance to pre-approve it, so you know you'll like it, but it takes away from the element of surprise. Half the fun of getting presents is unwrapping them, just as half the fun of hooking up with someone for the first time is undressing them. The untying of the bow, unbuttoning of the dress, ripping of the paper, unsnapping of the bra...

Okay, I realize that boobs and birthdays are quite different, but the same principle applies. Knowing what's inside the box makes a first experience anticlimactic. Why hook up with someone for the first time who's already danced around naked for you? In a way it kills the suspense by giving away the ending. And suspense makes any experience more fulfilling. I mean, isn't that the whole idea behind foreplay?

Sure, naked women dancing around disgusts me. But I am neither a man nor a lesbian and don't have the authority to dictate whether this is sexy or not. Where I do have authority is knowing what its like to be a woman and be gawked at. I know the empowerment. The rush of knowing that if moved correctly, your body can be an instrument used to make grown men beg to touch you. I know that cleavage is correlated with "free" and "discount." And I know that a bite of the lip and tilt of the head can be enough verification of being over 21.

But I also know what its like to have your sexuality usurped from you by leering drunk men who find it to be their responsibility to remind you that you're sexy. I know what it's like to dress like you're 20 when you're 12 because you think that just because you look the part it means you have to act it too. I know what it's like flaunt sex when in reality it's something you're too scared to touch because you've never owned it, but it's owned you.

When I see a girl give in to a crowd chanting "show your tits," I can't help but wonder if she's doing it for her, or doing it for them. If it turns her on, hey, whatever floats her boat. But if she feels obligated to please others because she's insecure or because others expect it of her, then it makes me sad. I know what it's like to feel controlled by you're sexuality and I've come to the conclusion that it's much better to control it than to let it control you.

Controlling your sexuality means being sexy when you want to, not at the request of others. It's about having shaved legs, even if no one else touches them. Or wearing lacy black thongs, even if no one else sees them. It's about learning to make your sexuality about you, not about them. It's your gift to use how and when you want, not a show that they own the rights to.