Happily unmarried: should couples live together before tying the knot?

Some feel that it's "living in sin;" for others, it's a natural step in any relationship. No matter what your opinion of it is, however, the trend is on the rise: the amount of couples living together before marriage in the US has steadily increased over the past few decades. According to the US Census, less than 500,000 unmarried couples headed US households in 1960 -- doing so was illegal in many states at the time. 40 years later, in 2000, that statistic rose to the staggering number of 5.5 million couples.

The idea of "shacking up" before marriage is an option on the minds of many college students. Despite a wealth of research suggesting that cohabitation is detrimental to relationships in the long run, living together before marriage is often seen as a viable option.

"I would have no problem with [living with someone before marriage], and I really don't think that my parents would have any problem with it because they lived together before they got married," freshman Rachel Diskin said. "My mom lived with another guy before too...so I think it would almost be expected."

At Tufts, one sophomore couple has found a way to make cohabitation work. Friends as freshmen, one male and female student decided to room together. The two signed up to room with members of the same sex, then switched once the school year began. By the start of this school year the best friends had become a couple, and say that living together has been a "great experience." "I'd make sure I really knew the person well," advises the boyfriend.

He does point out what may be the biggest problem of cohabitation: when breaking up means moving out. "If the relationship gets sour it could be a real problem," he said. Neither of his parents know of his living arrangements, but "the RA is cool with it."

What are the perceived benefits of pre-marital cohabitation? Besides getting to know the other person "inside and out," students say additional benefits include sharing expenses and -- most importantly -- no legal divorce process in the event of a breakup.

Other students believe that couples who live together before marriage have the opportunity to test how well suited they are for each other. For one student, living together while unmarried would be an "alternative lifestyle to marriage, and everyone should have that option."

Freshman Nina Joyce agrees. "I would definitely want to live with the person I was going to marry before actually getting married," she said.

Those who disagree with the idea of cohabitation before marriage cite societal, religious, and cultural barriers which would discourage them from living together without a marriage license.

Freshman Diana Tang, the daughter of immigrants from China and Taiwan, said that cohabitation before marriage is not an option for her. "My parents would disown me," Tang said. "[To say that they'd be] upset is an understatement. I'd be thrown away forever. But I think it's very different for Chinese people."

Tang's roommates, freshmen Hiral Shah, the daughter of Indian immigrants, and Sheena Townsend, whose parents were born in Haiti, are also first generation US citizens. They agreed with Tang, although both said that their parents would not react quite so harshly.

"My parents wouldn't like it, but if I was engaged already, they'd deal with whatever I decided to do," Shah said. "I think it's different if you have parents who were born and raised here [in the US] than if your parents are from another country -- they're [more strict]."

Townsend said her parents' reaction would depend on her age at the time of cohabitation. "But my parents are very liberal for Haitian parents," she added.

Many experts support this anti-cohabitation argument, which is more common in non-Western and highly religious cultures. Furthermore numerous studies have found that the idea that cohabitation leads to a happier marriage is a myth.

As indicated by the Rutgers University Marriage Project, "living together before marriage holds risks to the longevity and stability of the relationship, as well as to the health and happiness of the partners." Many studies have shown that those who live together before marriage are more likely than not to end up divorced.

According to a study released in 2002 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's health statistics division, the probability of a first marriage ending in separation or divorce within five years is 20 percent, compared with the 49 percent probability of pre-marital cohabitation breaking up within the same time period.

"While marriages are held together by a strong ethic of commitment, cohabiting relationships by their very nature tend to undercut this ethic," David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, the researchers behind the Rutgers University Marriage Project, stated in their findings. "Although cohabiting relationships are like marriages in many ways -- shared dwelling, economic union -- at least in part, sexual intimacy, often even children -- they typically differ in the levels of commitment and autonomy involved...cohabitants tend not to be as committed as married couples in their dedication to the continuation of the relationship and reluctance to terminate it..."

Some students feel that at a certain age, one may be ready to live with their partner but not prepared for the level of commitment that marriage entails.

"I think it depends more on what stage in the relationship you are in than how old you are," Joyce said. "But when it comes to supporting a house by yourself, the more financially secure you are the better, and that security is found more often in older people. I've considered it for the summer, but moving into a permanent house with my boyfriend is not something I've really contemplated for right now."