This all seems a bit familiar

Take an ensemble action adventure, add the requisite shoddy romantic subplot, vengeance story, and a long commercial for the Mini, the British car, shake well, serve with over priced popcorn and soda, and you have The Italian Job. The film, directed by F. Gary Gray, features Mark "You'll always be Marky Mark to me" Walberg and Charlize Theron.

The story begins with the successful (and clever) theft of $30 million in gold bullion by an elite gang of thieves led by the fatherly John Bridger (Donald Sutherland). The heist was masterminded by golden boy Charlie Crocker (Walberg). The gang goes into hiding to split the gold and also to allow Bridger to give Charlie the most trite speech this side of Spiderman. As in any action film, after the fatherly character gives the important advice to the main character, he is promptly (and brutally) killed. Death comes in the form of Ed Norton who plays the treacherous Steve Ferezelli. Deciding to go it alone, Steve kills Bridger and leaves the rest of the gang for dead beneath a frozen lake.

Flash forward a year later, when Charlie reunites with John's daughter, Stella, who has taken up her father's craft of safecracking, but she is on the right side of the law. Charlie enlists Stella to steal the gold back from Steve, who is living in Los Angeles. After what could be accurately described as a six minute commercial for the Mini, the gang from the Italian job is united.

We meet Handsome Rob (Jason Statham), who, in my opinion, could more accurately be called Sketchy Soccer Hooligan Rob. Then, we meet the comic relief are Mos Def and Seth Green, who play explosives expert Left Ear and computer expert Lyle, respectively.

Green and Mos Def are the reason to see this film. Their great timing and delivery is what separates this film from the inferior Gone in 60 Seconds, although both films share what is essentially the same gimmick. Wahlberg is great as Charlie, having the appropriate amount of strength and sensitivity, and even grieves well at the death of John, which is something many actors cannot do. But even a good male lead, good sidekicks, and great moments of comedy (watch for the Sean Fanning cameo -- yes, the Napster guy) fail to lift this film above mediocrity.

The film builds slowly, like watching someone designing a domino pattern. You know deep down that eventually it will be worth the build-up, but the build-up itself isn't very entertaining. There are eye-rolling jokes aplenty and bad dialogue worthy of a capella group skits.

Also, I've seen tacked-on romances before, but the romance in this film felt like it was written 20 minutes before the shoot. Stumbling and awkward, every scene with Theron and Walberg makes you wish they would just go and steal something. Theron is wholly inconsistent in this role: the cool urbane one minute, fragile and unstable the next. Both personas ring untrue and make it barely possible to tolerate her character.

If the rumors are true, Norton's lackluster performance as Steve is understandable. The story goes that Norton didn't want to do The Italian Job, but was forced to in order to complete his multi-picture deal with Paramount. After years of rejecting scripts he was given the option of The Italian Job or a lawsuit. That would explain why Norton, whom we all know can give a capable performance as a criminal and psycho, probably put more energy into making a sandwich at the catering table between shots than in the role of Steve. Norton couldn't have been any less involved in Steve if he were comatose.

The achievement of The Italian Job is that it is not awful. It never had the potential to be brilliant. It did, however, have the capacity to be one of the worst action films ever made. The fact that it was only mildly bad should be rejoiced by its creators, and no doubt the good folks at Mini.