The Game

It's no revelation that a man who gets a lot of action is a pimp whereas a woman who does the same is a slut. But despite the fact we're all well aware of this double standard, few seem to challenge it, or wonder why we continue to denigrate promiscuous women, and praise promiscuous men. I believe the answer lies in the fact that we look at getting laid as a game. And every game must have a winner and a loser.

Sex, dating and hooking up are like playing monopoly where women are the bankers trying to maintain their wealth, and men are the players trying to attain as much of the bank's money as possible. Get a girl's number, and you've landed on community chest. Make out with a girl, and you have a house on Marvin Gardens. Get a girl to sleep with you and ding ding ding... we have a winner, two hotels on Boardwalk. Meanwhile, the girl goes bankrupt, is sent directly to jail, does not pass go, and does not collect 200 dollars.

It's not simply the act of sex that gives a sexually promiscuous woman the label of "slut", but rather it's the belief that by having sex, the woman has lost. Sex makes men pimps: as they are the strong, capable winners, and women sluts: as they are the pathetic, unconfident losers. Women are "slutty" if they have a lot of sex because we don't perceive them as doing it out of their own desire; we perceive them as giving in to someone else's request.

But what makes us so sure that men really are winning in a sexual encounter? What if they feel pressured into sex out of a desire to fulfill society's view of how a "real man" behaves? Maybe men feel pressured to have sex so that they can have good stories to tell the rest of the football team. If we define "slutty" sexual behavior as engaging in sex out of a longing to be accepted rather than personal desire, then can't we interpret men's reasons for having sex as slutty? The only difference is that while women are "sluts" to men, men are "sluts" to society.

Clearly, the majority of men do not have sex just to please their friends. And equally, I would like to believe that the majority of women do not have sex just to please men. Women aren't just giving in to men when they have sex. They aren't stupid sluts that were somehow tricked into dropping their panties. They are women who, just like men, really want to get off.

But somehow as a society we find this hard to swallow. Which is really quite ironic, given all the time and energy women spend attempting to make themselves more sexually attractive. Look though any woman's magazines and every other page is an ad for makeup or perfume promising to help us grab the attention of the object of our desire. We shove our feet into pointy stilettos because they're "hot", and spend hours straightening, curling, or dying our hair to look like the latest sex symbol.

Now, you can just imagine the frustration of being treated like sexual benchwarmers. We go though all the trouble of getting dressed up to play, but then aren't allowed to get out on the field. And if we do, we're called nasty names.

Whoever said "it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game" obviously wasn't talking about sex. Because in sex, winning and losing is what separates the pimps from the hoes. It's what makes men gloat about their sexual encounters and women ashamed of theirs.

Perhaps if we got rid of this 'pimps 'n hoes' view of sex, where every encounter has to have a winner and a looser, then sex could feel more mutual, like it's supposed to. We can all "win" if we have sex out of our own desires, and we can all "lose" if we have sex because we're giving in to outside pressures. Understanding our perceptions of men as the sexual winners, and women as the sexual losers helps us understand why we perceive promiscuous men as pimps and promiscuous women as sluts. It is by understanding the thoughts that drive this stereotype that will ultimately allow us to reject it.