Aspen Extreme

Look in any almanac and you'll see that in 1993, Jack McDowell won the American League Cy Young award for the Chicago White Sox, Marty McSorely of the L.A. Kings was penalized for an illegal stick in the Stanley Cup Finals, and the Cowboys beat the crap out of the Bills in the Super Bowl.

But what you won't see, and what really matters most, is that in that same year Patrick Hasburgh wrote and directed one of the greatest sports movies in history, "Aspen Extreme."

Yes ladies and gentlemen, "Aspen Extreme."

I've sat by for too long as this cinematic tour de force has been bad mouthed and belittled, and it's high time that this classic gets the respect it deserves.

Sports Illustrated gave it a nod in its recent list of the best sports movies of all time (an entirely incomplete list that didn't even include "Rudy" anywhere, but that's beside the point), but other than that, the film has been swept into the dustbin.

And that's why it's time for a quote by quote salute to the classic story of T.J. Burke and Dexter Rutecki and their adventure into the rough and tumble world of Aspen ski instructors.

But before we get into the quotes, we should acknowledge a few things. First, there might never have been a movie in history that was cast better than this one. Peter Berg as Dexter Rutecki and Paul Gross as T.J. Burke were impeccable, as was Finola Hughes as Bryce Kellogg. Gross' blinding white smile and Berg's goofy expressions and crooked teeth couldn't have been more perfect.

And along those same lines, Bryce Kellogg and Dexter Rutecki might be two of the best names in movie history. Seriously, if you met a dumb looking lift operator from Michigan, wouldn't you just expect his name to be Dexter Rutecki?

But on to the quotes:



T.J. -- Everyday people go out there and they do something with their lives, and everyday it isn't you and it isn't me.

Dexter -- T.J., we're from Detroit

Now, if there's a flaw with this movie, it's explained right here. It just doesn't make any sense that two guys who have lived in Michigan for their entire lives would be able to the things that Dexter and T.J. do on skis. It's just not possible. Plus, what are these guys doing with avalanche beacons and probes? I don't think that avalanche danger was that high back at Mt. Brighton in Michigan.

But looking beyond the movie's one fatal flaw, this quote is brilliant. Could there be a more perfect way to sum up the entire point of this film?



Karl Stall --For those of you still on your feet, welcome to the Aspen Ski School Hiring Clinic. My name is Karl Stall, and I'm the Ski School director. There are five positions open.

Dexter --Three. You got anything tougher than that?

At this point I feel it's necessary to bring up a theory that needs to be examined. You might hate me for saying it, but Dexter Rutecki is a better skier than T.J. Burke. Even though the whole movie is based on the premise of Dexter never being able to live up to T.J.'s perfection, Dexter is just a naturally better skier. T.J.'s style seems conservative and forced, while Dexter free wheels it, balls in his pocket, and rips this first run in half. He also pulls a 720 off a bump that T.J. only managed a weak 360 off of. This stuff is important.

You also have to love that Dexter is skiing in jeans and gaiters. Any other person skiing in this outfit is a total loser.

And how fun is that whole first skiing sequence to watch? Those soft, perfect, Volkswagen sized bumps couldn't possibly look any better.



Robin Hand --I stopped dating ski instructors when I was 16.

T.J. -- Why?

Robin -- Because they always leave town.

First of all, who the hell is this woman that she had already had her fill of ski instructors by age 16? I guess I don't really have anything else to say about this quote. Just had to get that off my chest.



T.J. -- Well then you got nothing to worry about a**hole. I don't go to college.

Fantastic moment here that has "Top Gun" written all over it. You almost expect T.J. to say, "That's right Ice, I am dangerous." This is also the first time we see T.J. start to surpass Franz as the superior ski instructor.



Dexter -- Relax, we're not curing cancer here. We're teaching people how to slide down hills with sticks on their feet.

This is exactly what we like in Dexter, but we all know that attitude can't work at the Aspen Ski School. Not with Karl in charge. Come on Dex!



T.J. -- I'm tired of picking up after you.

End of the really disturbing Dexter drug sequence. If there was a part of the movie I wish I didn't have to watch every time, it's Dexter going crazy in that bar waiting for Steve. It's almost as disturbing as the pink elephants sequence in Dumbo. At the same time though, it's crucial to the movie. It's sort of Dexter's moral conundrum. He wants to make some money and be independent of T.J., but he knows he's not doing it the right way. Very intriguing.



Robin -- Things happen, T.J. To everyone.

T.J. -- Yeah well it didn't happen to me.

Always get a little choked up at this point. Never fails. T.J. realizes how much Dexter meant to him, that he wasted so much time he could have had with him, that if he had dropped in first he probably would have gotten swept up in that avalanche instead of Dexter. I'm getting all misty just thinking about it.



T.J. -- I'm not leaving, I'm staying right here.

Robin -- Why?

T.J. -- To see if I can become a real writer... And because I love you.

Sure it's cheesey. Sure it pretty much comes out of nowhere. I mean, they haven't really even talked to each other in months, and they were together for all of one summer (as far as we can tell) but could this movie have ended any differently? I sure as hell wouldn't have wanted it to.