Men are from Mars?

Everyone remembers that day in kindergarten when Johnny dropped his pants, whipped out his thing -- it was the day we came to the startling realization that boys and girls were different. No longer were we able to look at each other as just other kids, we started to differentiate between little boys and little girls. What boys did for fun, and what girls did for fun. Who did, and who did not, have cooties.

By the beginning of high school, ten years later, we had solidified our belief that men and women were so different that the sexes must indeed be from different planets. And nowhere were those differences more pronounced than in the way the two sexes regard sex and relationships.

As girls, we're trained to break men into two categories: our fathers, and all other creatures with a penis who will do anything to jump into our panties, only to leave us feeling cheap, used, and abandoned. We are taught that guys want two things: to have sex and to stay single. Even in the face of mounds of evidence that reject these stereotypes, the belief that men are polygamous nymphos is one that many of us hold dear to our hearts.

On some level, girls believe and accept that men want nothing more than to get off, but this is certainly not true. If this were the, guys would go to bed alone to jack off to guarantee himself an orgasm. If all a guy cared about was cumming, it wouldn't make sense for him to take the risk of hooking up with a girl when there is no guarantee that the encounter would include any type of orgasm inducing activity. And yet, not only are men willing to take this risk, but they go out of their way to take it. They approach us, buy us drinks, and make fools out of themselves on the dance floor. And they do this because their desire to be touched by another human being is stronger than their desire to ejaculate.

For girls who are taught to believe that the penis is the axis around which men's worlds revolve, it's hard to grasp the idea that men enjoy sex because they like being touched. It's difficult to imagine that men opt for a hook up over masturbation because deep down, they just want to be spooned. We tend to assume that physical contact with another person is a strictly female need -- but it's not; it's a need that is human.

Our denial that men and women have similar needs in the bedroom parallels our denial that men and women have similar needs with regards to relationships. We assume that a hook-up will end in only one way: the girl is going to look for a serious commitment, and the guy is going to strategically avoid the ball and chain that is having a girlfriend.

But despite our conception that men are constantly trying to avoid relationships, studies of married couples indicate that husbands are significantly happier than their wives. And when a relationship ends, it's the men who have a more difficult time picking up the pieces. Given the pleasure that many men find in relationships, it's bizarre that we think of guys as defeated, "pussy whipped" and less of a man once they commit to a girl; as though having a girlfriend is analogous with getting neutered.

But because we see men as the relationship gatekeepers, we too often settle easily and quickly for whatever guy is willing to settle down. We allow ourselves to commit to a man who, though he may lack brains, looks, or personality, is willing to commit to us. This is because we accept the belief that men that are emotionally distant, unstable, or overly jealous. And because we believe that "boys will be boys."

The realization that men are people does not come easily... it's a process. But just as we learned to let go of boys in punk bands, guys in football jerseys, and other high school obsessions, I think we can let go of the notion that all men are sex crazed assholes. We should give men more credit, and recognize that many of their needs and desires are not so different from our own. This is not just to stroke men's egos, but to allow us to raise the bar on the type of man we are willing to date, and how we expect to be treated by them.