Saying 'I do' before college is through

This past Valentine's Day, many students went on romantic dates or stayed in and cuddled with their partner. Unlike 20-year-old sophomore Alex Moreno, however, most did not receive a diamond ring.

Though Moreno and her boyfriend, a 28-year-old from her hometown of Miami, had previously talked about getting married, Moreno was shocked by the proposal. So were her friends. Since getting engaged, Moreno has received many comments of the "What is she doing? She's so young!" variety.

Their reactions are not surprising. According to Tufts Counseling Center supervising psychologist Julie Jampel, college engagements like Moreno's are not the norm.

Today, most people get married after they graduate from college. According to the U.S. Bureau of the Census, the estimated median age of first marriages in 2002 for males is 26.9 years and for females 25.3 years.

Moreno knows that she is young to be engaged. "If someone told me they were turning 20 and getting married, I would be in shock," Moreno said.

So why did she say yes?

"I feel like I've met the man of my life," Moreno said of her fianc‚. "Whether it's now, two years, or five years from now, I'm going to marry him."

Junior Jessica Heaton, 21, also believes she has met her soul mate. This past December, Heaton's 22-year-old boyfriend of three years proposed. "I'm definitely in love with him," Heaton said. "I know there's no one else for me."

Unlike Moreno, however, Heaton has the luxury of her fianc‚ also attending Tufts -- a factor that Jampel believes to have a large impact on a serious college relationship's future success.

"If both parties are here on campus, I wouldn't anticipate many difficulties other than maintaining a close relationship while struggling with school," Jampel said. "If they're not together on campus, there's just a lot of temptation in college. You're surrounded by many people your own age"

To avoid any temptation, Moreno plans on transferring out of Tufts after this year to be with her fianc‚. While at Tufts, she tries to see him as much as she can, sometimes taking weekend trips down to Miami.

Moreno's parents support her marriage plans. "When I first told them, they didn't believe me," Moreno said. "They were like 'Ya, nice joke.'"

After the initial shock, Moreno's parents were accepting: they are pleased that Moreno still plans to finish school and attend law school at Columbia. "They know I'm not going to become a housewife right now so they're ok with it," Moreno said.

Like Moreno, Heaton has not let her engagement derail her future schooling. She still plans on attending veterinary school but she wants her fianc‚ to be along for the process. "I know [veterinary school] is going to be even more stressful than here [at Tufts]," Heaton said. "I want to live with him, be close with him, and if I end up going to a veterinary school that's not in Massachusetts, he would come with me and it would be a support."

According to Jampel, the biggest stress associated with an engagement is the planning. "I remember from my own engagement that there's a lot of craziness," Jampel said. "It's not the being engaged while in college that's distracting -- it's the planning."

Heaton agrees that planning a wedding is stresessful. "Sometimes I still think being engaged is kinda weird," Heaton said. "[I'm] going to classes and doing all this stuff, then my mom will call me and be like, 'Oh! I saw this really pretty dress' or 'We should check out this place for the reception.' It's hard to think about getting married then studying for an exam."

To avoid hectic preparations, Heaton and her boyfriend have decided to wait until the summer after they graduate from Tufts to get married. "There's too much to do right now," Heaton said. "[My wedding] would be really hard to plan in school."

All parties attempt to balance their social life with time spent with their fianc‚s -- which is very important, according to Jampel. Heaton still hangs out with her friends just as much as she did prior to her engagement. Her best friend at Tufts even recently started going out with her fianc‚'s roommate.

Moreno is using these last months to spend time with her friends as well. Before she became engaged, she felt depressed when her friends went out because she missed her boyfriend. Now, though, she's enjoying her social life: "I only have two more months left here, and I want to enjoy it to the max," Moreno said.