A fate worse than death

Movies shouldn't need instruction booklets. As a storytelling device, films should not be so utterly confusing that they detract from their inherent entertainment and artistic value. And as a work of art, well, I wouldn't really consider "Hellboy" art.

"Hellboy" is the newest offering in the latest Hollywood craze: comic book adaptations. Its source material is Mike Mignola's series of graphic novels, which are published by Dark Horse Comics, though not nearly as well known as Marvel's "Spiderman" and "X-Men" series. And overcoming this cult popularity in order to produce a mainstream movie is director/screenwriter Guillermo del Toro's biggest challenge -- one that he falls depressingly short of meeting.

It's as if del Toro is trying to play catch-up with his audience by cramming tomes of comic book lore into a two-hour movie while still providing crowd-pleasing action sequences. The former technique obscures any "coolness" or joy derived from the latter, effectively making "Hellboy" a fiery dud.

The film begins with a flashback to World War II Scotland, where Professor Trevor Broom (John Hurt) is leading a platoon of American GIs on a mission to prevent a paranormal catastrophe of grave consequences. From there on, it becomes more and more ridiculous and bizarre. Apparently the Nazis have found a way to open a porthole to another dimension in which the "Seven Gods of Chaos" are waiting to bring the apocalypse upon the unsuspecting Allied Forces.

Foiled by the Americans, the porthole is closed, but not before letting a small red demon through. Professor Broom takes in the horned man/dog as a son of his own, with the adopted name Hellboy.

Fast forward to the future, in which the now grown Hellboy (Ron Pearlman) lives and works for the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense (BPRD), a covert branch of the FBI. When not scarfing down Baby Ruth bars, this colossal, blood red, horned and super strong demon protects the Earth from other evil supernatural beings. Seems like your normal superhero/comic book character modusoperandi.

Except this one has the brain and maturity of an adolescent, which is all part of Pearlman's enticing and sympathetic portrayal of the titular character. Hellboy is a big brute on the outside while an unrelenting romantic on the inside. Pearlman is without a doubt the only redeeming quality of the film, as his cigar-smoking and wisecracking personality adds a personal layer to a movie otherwise devoid of human characters.

Joined by fellow paranormal-ite swamp creature Abe Sapien, who is voiced by David Hyde Pierce, Hellboy and the BPRD's newest foe is the same one Broom faced back in the 1940s. By some screwy "only in the comics" logic, the man destined to bring Armageddon to Earth is Grigory Rasputin, the legendary Russian monk. The man, who probably isn't human and can't die, has some sort of Agent Smith-like ability to enter any room at any time. But his character is so poorly developed and his supernatural abilities puzzlingly unexplained that the entire "doomsday" threat is laughably un-menacing.

Rasputin has summoned a voracious hellhound named Sammael to aid his path to worldly destruction. In the first awe-inspiring fight scene between Sammael and Hellboy, the hero uses himself to conduct electricity by touching the "third rail" in the New York subway and fries the beast. Hellboy emerges from this vicious battle joking, "I'm fireproof. You're not." When audience learns that two beasts emerge from each one Hellboy kills however, his prospects for saving the globe seem distant. Yet, everything turns out hunky-dory in the end (right, like you didn't see that coming) and it's a spectacular let-down.

When he's not electrocuting demon dogs, Hellboy wracks his mind contemplating his devotion to childhood sweetheart and BPRD fighter Liz Sherman (Selma Blair), now in exile at a mental institution. His unrequited love leads him on nightly excursions into the public, causing many "Bigfoot"-esque sightings, much to the ire of FBI director Dr. Tom Manning (Jeffrey Tambor).

So in hopes of quelling the beast's dalliances with the tabloids, the bureau enlists the help of Agent John Myers (Rupert Evans) as Hellboy's babysitter. Except Myers looks more like the kid thrown into a locker in high school than your J. Edgar Hoover G-Man. Evans has the baby-face and Pearlman the babies' brain, and the two are a mismatched and uncomfortable twosome.

The blockbuster successes of "Spiderman" and "X-Men" were largely because directors Sam Raimi and Bryan Singer, respectively, were able to intertwine the expectations of comic book geeks and casual moviegoers alike. The devoted fans found solace in a faithful film adaptation replete with inside jokes only they and their peers would understand. Those looking for a fun action flick were also rewarded with a plot simplistic enough to follow yet mysterious enough to want to know more. In "Hellboy," Guillermo del Toro found a dynamic character and an actor to portray him, but was unable to find that magical balance that makes a great comic book into an amazing movie.