My recollection of my childhood consists of lots of people coming over to our house. There were holidays, birthdays, graduations, all events that marked the need for my parents to invite all the usual suspects over to our house. The aunt and uncle, the cousins, the standard arrangement of various friends from the Jewish community, the neighbors we don't actually talk to, and possibly -- if I was lucky -- people my own age. That was always a bonus.
But what really haunted me during these times when people flooded my house -- my former fortress of solitude -- were the mandatory greetings and goodbyes. I just detested the whole routine. I don't think that this is particular to Central Jersey middle-class Jewish culture, but each female guest -- save for my one cousin that was my age -- demanded a kiss on the cheek. That was just the way it was. The male guests (except for my grandpa and uncle) required simply a handshake, which I could deal with. But all of the women, whether they were my closest aunt or my most never-heard-of neighbor, were required to be kissed. Let me just say simply: I hated this.
Ever since I was a kid, the kiss-hello just tormented me. I didn't like it. It made me uncomfortable. So I devised a plan. An ingenious plan. I would hide out in my room until everyone arrived. Then I would come downstairs. And if it was a sit-down event like a holiday, I would just slide my way into my own seat and tell people very maturely, "Oh, no, don't get up. It's alright." This was incredibly smooth. And if it was a stand-around-and-shmooze event, I would just circulate the rooms, and give a big cheek-protecting wave to everyone in each location. Done.
There wasn't much different about the kiss-goodbye. Whether people had been over at our house for fifteen minutes or four hours, each demanded a similar kiss-goodbye. This bothered me the most on Rosh Hashana, a holiday which is celebrated on two consecutive nights. On the first night, I had to kiss everyone goodbye. But then, in less than 24 hours, I had to kiss them hello again?! We're going to see each other tomorrow!
Needless to say, like all childhood issues, this is one that I have not completely resolved. Things have changed in the kissing area, as now, of course, kissing is a good thing. But I haven't quite mastered doing hellos and goodbyes. When I walk into a party, I feel as though I insert an awkward pause into the whole room, so I quickly search for a conversation partner in the corner. And when it comes to goodbyes, well, I always seem to be leaving too early or too late for someone's liking.
The other night, at the end of a concert on campus, I had done the meet-and-greets, the congratulating, and even some kissing-on-cheeks. And then I went to leave. But I still got grief for it! I got looks! Apparently, I hadn't done enough. And later that night, when I was tired of dancing at what was actually a fun '80s party, I decided to go. In this case, I was a complete social idiot, and just walked out. I said "bye" to the nearest person and just left. Luckily, I have good enough friends who informed me of what a complete jackass I was: A nice phone message reminded me that I didn't say "goodbye," and people made fun of me the next day because I just disappeared. I guess I've still got learning to do.
Of course this all leads us to a "goodbye" that's coming up very soon: the end of the semester. If you haven't already considered how awkward this is going to be, let me get the ball rolling for you. There will be girls crying. That'll be weird. You'll hug people whose names you don't know. This is to be expected. And you'll ask for the fiftieth time in one day, "What're you up to this summer?"
The above occurrences are unavoidable and seemingly cumbersome. But let me impart something that my dad has tried to teach me for a long time: It's better to say goodbye. It's better to acknowledge how much you've enjoyed something than to just walk away like it never happened. So as the days roll by, and when you think that you're just going to take off right after your last exam, take a second to meet up with people. You'll be much happier. And should you be in the boat that is the Class of 2004: we've got plenty of time to party and have a great time. See you at Senior Week.
