Like any good sports fan, I hustled back to my dorm room lastTuesday to watch the Red Sox spank the Angels, mainly because Ilove the MLB playoffs rather than a fanatical love for the Sox.
My roommate and I are each on our computers listening to thegame when I hear after a Dallas McPherson foul ball: "It was FortWorth. It wasn't quite Dallas so it was foul."
What? My roommate and I just looked at each other, and I askedhim if I really just heard that. Then I realized who was callingthe game. None other than Chris Berman.
The larger than life (and larger than most other sportscasters,save John "I am not a" Kruk) Chris Berman was once again proving tome why he belongs in the ESPN Studios in Bristol, Conn., and notdoing play-by-play.
The worthless cracks continued throughout Game 1.
"He used to hit taters" - (mentioning George Scott in comparisonto David Ortiz).
"Schilling doing his homework, not the New York Times crossword"- (after a shot of Curt Schilling looking at a paper in thedugout).
"Guerrero takes the collar on this one" - (I have no idea whatthis one referred to).
"After midnight, we're gonna let it all hang out here inAnaheim" - (Referring to the Game 2 broadcast). I know it's an EricClapton song, but that's ridiculous.
Granted, I'm not the most adept at picking up on all of Berman'sword-associations. He is a Brown University-educated sportscaster.But sports are broadcast to the lowest common denominator (Yankeesfans), and they shouldn't have to analyze each one of Berman'scalls.
Simply amazed at the ludicrousness (if Berman can make up crazycalls, I reserve the right to make up words in my column) of someof Berman's calls in Game 1, I decided I would watch the next twogames to see if it was only a fluke.
Boomer didn't disappoint.
"You could fry an egg on top of his head right now" - (AngelsManager Mike "Nova" Scioscia's anger over the strike zone in Game2).
Pedro struck somebody out, and Boomer called the pitch a "whirlybird." He also referred to Pedro tossing the "high cheese." Theseclich�s are terrible.
My absolute favorite: "OH MY GOODNESS! A CAN OF PROVERBIAL CORNCOULD PUT THE SOX BEHIND THE EIGHT BALL!" - (referring to themiscommunication in Game 2 between Manny Ramirez and OrlandoCabrera). A proverbial can of corn? I acknowledge that the sayingmight exist in some remote parts of this country, but what is therelevance, if any, to baseball?
Calling baseball, Berman reminds me of a corny dad who's tryingto prove he's not over the hill. Sitting in the press box inAnaheim during Game 2 wearing a pink short-sleeved shirt and apastel tie, having trouble keeping his eyes off the teleprompter,Boomer is just out of his element.
I like Chris Berman ... in the NFL Primetime Studios. The"Fastest Three Minutes in Sports" is one of my favorite segments.It's a comedy routine on television, and he does it very well. Asthe "Swami," Berman demonstrates his creativity and innovation andpaved the way for other sports-comedian stars like Craig Kilborn,Kenny Mayne and Jimmy Kimmel.
Berman is a beloved and critically-acclaimed figure inprofessional sports. A six-time National Sportscaster of the Yearaward recipient, he's also been a member of shows that havegarnered seven Emmy's and 12 CableACEs. He's been in movies("Little Big League," "Eddie"), television shows ("Arli$$") andcommercials.
Yet, Berman is the subject of much criticism. He is constantlymaligned for crossing the line of being a journalist to being a fan(the guy counts a 49ers Superbowl ring as a prized possession andgrows grass from Candlestick Park in his backyard). He no longerasks the tough questions, preferring to joke around with athletesin interviews.
Many people also see him as an anchor-monster. And they havegood reason. He's all over professional sports. Berman has calledthe World Series, the MLB All-Star Game, the Superbowl, the StanleyCup Finals, the U.S. Open and the NFL Draft. Even Bob Costas haslimits.
And whatever made him worthy for awards with the words "bestsportscaster" has left him.
This guy certainly cannot cover baseball anymore. I find it veryamusing that one of Berman's most critically acclaimed moves washis 22 minutes of silence after Cal Ripken's homerun, during thegame Ripken broke Lou Gehrig's consecutive games played streak.Nobody wants to hear him broadcast baseball.
Boomer sensationalizes everything, from a double play to aground rule double to a throwing error
In his loudest voice, Berman squealed that Garrett Anderson'sline out to Kevin Millar in Game 2 was "ripped BUT DOUBLE PLAY!KEVIN MILLAR SNARES IT AND DOUBLES UP GUERRERO." Wow. Amazing. Anunassisted double play by Millar to end the inning. Get out yourvideo cameras. You'll never see something like that again. I had toturn down the volume after that play.
If it wasn't the Red Sox and if it wasn't the playoffs, Bermanwould certainly overshadow the play on the field with hisridiculous play calls and sensationalizing.
Late in Game 2, Berman: "Meanwhile ... nearing two o'clock inBoston ... in the Old North Church ... one if by land, two if bysea, and three if the Sox are coming home with a two-nothinglead."
I'm speechless.
Let the man sit in the Baseball Tonight or Primetime studios andmake up nicknames. It's his art. It's his calling card. Some of myfavorites: Curtis "My favorite" Martin, Rick "See ya later"Aguilera, Lance "You've sunk my" Blankenship, Andre "Bad moon"Rison, Eddie "Eat drink and be" Murray, Drew Bledsoe "much heneeded a transfusion," Fred McGriff "The Crime Dog," Bert "Be home"Blyleven.
But please, somebody take this guy out of the broadcasting boothand let Tony Gwynn "One for the Gipper" and Rick Sutcliffe handleit.
This guy needs to go.
Some Yankees-Red Sox nicknames, courtesy of Boomer: Wade"Cranberry" Boggs, Don "Welcome" Mattingly, Jim "Pork fried" Rice,Darryl Strawberry "Fields forever," Scott"Super-cali-fragilistic-expi-ali" Brosius, Chuck "New kids on"Knoblauch, Mike "Loggins and" Mussina, Tom "Flash" Gordon, GarySheffield "of Dreams," Keith "Just plain" Foulke, Jorge "Carne"Posada.
