Tufts University, I have a friend to tell you about. No, it's not Evan Cochran. He doesn't snort cocaine in a bar in Boston, drive back to campus drunk, and then (presumably) have sex on the football field. And it's not Ben Hoffman. He isn't left-handed, he doesn't steal my references to the movie "Entrapment," and he doesn't take cues for his column from Fox. Seriously Ben, they've been using The Evil Empire analogy for two years now.
Instead, the friend that I have to tell you about is a young man by the name of Karim bin-Humam. Karim is a tremendous human being. He is a kind, generous, intelligent person. He spends his weekends working with sick kids, volunteering at soup kitchens, and doing other things that I would never do. Karim is really the model of how an American should live his or her life. However, come Nov. 2, 2004, Karim will not be voting in the Presidential election. But why not? He is a legal resident of New York, proficient enough in English or Spanish to read the ballot, and maintains the requisite intelligence and sense of social responsibility to vote for John Kerry. So, why is Karim not voting in the upcoming United States Presidential election? It affects his life just as much as it affects the lives of anyone else in this country. Why, oh why?
Because Karim is not an American citizen. Shocking isn't it? It's hard to believe a non-citizen could infiltrate our ranks and reap the benefits of the great American society. It's hard to believe that the decision made by our elected President (READ: not really elected) to send troops into Iraq to secure large reserves of oil to drive the price of gasoline down benefits Karim just as much as it benefits us. But it's even harder to believe that this courageous young man with intelligent, well thought-out opinions can have these same opinions tragically muted when it comes to making decisions on issues that often directly concern him. Our friend Karim has no political voice in the country in which he claims residence.
But thank goodness I am here to tip the scales of injustice. I am, here and now, giving a voice to good old Karim and the many others in the same situation, and although the unfortunate voiceless have a slew of different views and beliefs, they share a simple message for the American citizens out there: VOTE. The privilege of being able to select one's leader is one many do not even have within our own borders, never mind in other parts of the world. Do not ignore the gift of such a seemingly fundamental right.
However, there is an obstacle to this basic American responsibility. This obstacle is in the form of a disease much of America suffers from: Fat-lazy-take-everything-that-they-have-for-granted-itis. As with most medical terminology, the name does not seem to make sense to the layman, however it is basically an illness of the mind wherein the affected parties are fat, lazy, and take everything that they have for granted. In the last Presidential election, around 51 percent of the eligible voting populace cast their ballot. 51 percent. By contrast, 77 percent of viewers voted during the last American Idol. Is that what it takes America? Do you need to be able to vote from your couch with one hand on the remote and the other alternating between being in your pants and in a bowl of potato chips? Hell, for 2008 why not let the country vote for the President by text messaging Ryan Seacrest.
Even a developing nation like India performed better than the United States when it came to electoral turnout. With 40 percent of its eligible voting populace living under the international poverty line, a much shabbier political infrastructure, and only 50-some-odd years of democracy under its belt, India had a voter turnout of 57 percent in their parliamentary elections earlier in 2004.
But why vote, right? Surely one vote won't count. There are 200 to 250 million eligible voters in America. If half of them show up, that's 100 to 125 million ballots cast. One vote won't mean a thing, right? WRONG. To illustrate my point I will allude to what I like to call the Martin Prince Scenario. For those of you un-learned in the science of Simpsonsology, Martin Prince is a character on the show, and a classmate of Bart's. One episode focused on the Springfield Elementary fourth grade Presidential race. Our protagonist Bart was running against the aforementioned Martin. The polls closed at the end of recess, and in a shocking turn of events, Martin came out the victor. But why? Bart seemed like a shoo-in. He had the support of most of the class, had continuously strong showings in both the Gallup and CNN polls, and masterfully handled Martin in every debate. All these factors should obviously lead to a Simpson victory, correct? The answer, of course, was voter turnout. In the end, by a count of 2-0, Martin won the election as most of the class simply neglected to vote. After all, what good was Milhouse's or Nelson's vote if Bart was going to win anyway?
So, ladies and gentlemen I implore you all to mail out those absentee ballots or head home for the day on that Tuesday to cast your vote. Vote for Bart Simpson, the candidate who suffered a grave injustice. Vote to undermine the success of American Idol. Vote to prevent India from being a more efficient democracy than us. But most importantly, vote for those who desperately want to, but cannot. Vote for Yemeni citizen Karim bin-Humam. Vote for Israeli citizen Oleg Svet. And vote for Brazilian supermodel Giselle who actually has been naturalized as a U.S. citizen, but cannot read the ballot. Oh yeah, and vote for John Kerry. Go Sox.
