ourscore and six years ago (Jayson Stark may have already found this saying, but I assure you I thought of it before seeing his column) our Red Sox forefathers brought forth on this Nation a championship, conceived in glory, and dedicated to the proposition that Boston is created more equally than other baseball cities.
Now we are engaged in a great curse, testing whether that Nation or any Nation can long endure ... oh wait ... we did endure.
In the spirit of Boston legend Paul Revere...
The Red Sox are the 2004 World Series Champions!
The Red Sox are the 2004 World Series Champions!
The Red Sox are the 2004 World Series Champions!
The Red Sox are the 2004 World Series Champions!
The Red Sox are the 2004 World Series Champions!
Has it sunk in yet?
I didn't think so. The Sox became the first baseball team in history to come back from down three games in a best-of-seven, and to then go on and sweep the World Series. If you're not counting, that's eight straight playoff wins ignited solely by a ninth-inning Kevin Millar walk issued by the greatest closer in baseball postseason history in Game 4 against the Yankees.
Now the rest (two marathon games ending in walk-offs, a bloody good performance from Schilling, D-Lowe and Damon winning Game 7 as the Sox bring out World Series broomsticks) is postseason history. Hollywood couldn't have scripted this ending (which is why they are rewriting Jimmy Fallon's Fever Pitch).
This will be my last Red Sox column for at least a month, so I'm going to wrap up this season like any good Hollywood feature film ... with a soundtrack.
Track 1 will be dedicated to the leadoff hitter, Johnny "Come lately" Damon. Damon decided to break out of his 3-29 slump in the first six ALCS games in a grand way in Game 7 to guarantee a Sox Series berth, and then pounded the Cardinals for four games, despite never adjusting his wild man look. So Track 1 is Steppenwolf's "Born to Be Wild."
Track 2 goes to the ALCS MVP: David Ortiz. To say that his two game-winning hits (including three RBI in Game 5) and his.387 average against the Yankees carried the team is underestimating, to say the least. The intimidating man known as "Papi" gets Track 2 with "Big Poppa" by Notorious B.I.G.
Track 3 goes to Manny Ramirez, Pedro Martinez, and Bronson Arroyo. Every playoff viewer has to believe these three have smoked themselves stupid. Look at them. Manny and Pedro can never stop giggling, and Arroyo has cornrows. Marijuana might also explain the decline in Pedro's velocity and Manny's speed and fielding ability (save for an outfield assist in the World Series). They would have played harder, but Track 3 is their excuse: Afroman's "Because I Got High."
Track 4 is reserved for the Red Sox redeemer, Curt Schilling. After a horrendous Game 1 start against the Yankees and an undoubtedly painful (and creative) medical treatment, Schilling, wearing a true red "sox," shut up New York City and returned the Sox to glory, attributing his effort to religious faith. And there may be no other explanation for Schilling's gutsy performance. So Track 4 must be Jon Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer."
Kevin Millar's walk was the catalyst for the eight-game win streak in the postseason, and he more than anyone "cowboyed up" with the Sox' postseason hopes on the line. Naturally, as team leader and the pilot of last year's motto (he has it on a decal on the back of his Hummer), Millar gets Kid Rock's "Cowboy" for Track 5.
Track 6 belongs to Mike Timlin. Despite some good outings, this guy really knew how to make bad situations worse. For instance, after relieving Lowe in Game 4, Timlin surrendered two runs. And if you can think back far enough to the series with Anaheim, you'll recall that Timlin gave up five runs (including Vlad Guerrero's slam) to let the Angels back into Game 3. So for his ability to pour some gasoline on the fire, Timlin gets Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire."
Foulke was invaluable to this team's title run and shut the lid on so many games that Track 7 needs to be Semisonic's "Closing Time."
Track 8 is for the Skipper, although, at times, he reminded me of Gilligan. On a team of idiots, it doesn't surprise me that Terry Francona is king. He made some smart moves during these playoffs (sticking with Mark Bellhorn, pinch-running Dave Roberts in Game 4 against New York), and he made some dumb moves (bringing in Pedro in Game 7 of the ALCS). But, for me, he'll always be the village idiot, making Green Day's "American Idiot" fitting for Track 8.
Track 9 captures the essence of these self-described "idiots" who often compared their clubhouse atmosphere to a frat house. And with the recent admission by Millar on Fox's "The Best Damn Sports Show Ever" that the team did shots of Jack Daniels before their final six postseason games, I'm reminded of John Belushi in Animal House, a little bit buzzed, singing with the rest of the Delta Tau Chi brothers. Track 9 has to be The Kingsmen's "Louie, Louie."
Track 10 is for the Curse of the Bambino, which has been officially vanquished with the World Series victory. A lot of people thought hell would freeze over before it ended. REM's "It's The End of the World as We Know It" gets Track 10.
Track 11 is obviously a certain number by Queen. Let it fully sink in. Your Red Sox are the 2004 World Series Champions. Sing it loud. "We are the Champions."
