This is the last Philly Phodder of the semester, and while I could take this opportunity to address steroids in Major League Baseball, the controversy over the BCS, or the Illinois victory over No. 1 Wake Forest, I want to use this last column to acknowledge those people that have stood out over the last four months.
I want to acknowledge people who have succeeded through their actions alone to bring their sport to the forefront of the national media. I'm a courteous person, and I'm going to offer my sincere gratitude to those who've wrestled away the national spotlight to shine light on their dubious achievements. These are the 2004 Philly Phodder "Thank You's."
Let's start with our national past-time. Mr. Frank Francisco, you're awesome display of strength (heaving a chair into the Oakland crowd in response to taunting) may pale in comparison to a thank you I will get to later, but no good deed should go unpunished. You managed to break a female fan's nose and simultaneously flush your team's playoff hopes down the drain, all while showering negative attention on Major League Baseball. That's quite an accomplishment. Thanks Frank Francisco, for being so strong.
Alex Rodriguez, your fantastic play during the four straight playoff losses to the Red Sox should be recognized. Yet your play in those four games has gone largely unnoticed. It's not an easy task to overshadow going to 2-17 with six men left on base and four strikeouts over a four-game stretch (especially when you make about $33,000 per at-bat). But by intentionally knocking the ball out of Bronson Arroyo's glove, you looked like a cheater and demonstrated to the country what a waste of money you are. Thanks A-Rod, for being such a loser.
Wow, I'm getting really juiced up ... I mean ... excited for this next thank you. Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi, you guys are in a class of your own. Between the two of you, you not only have succeeded in tainting eight MVP awards, brought shame upon the most cherished single season record and career record in MLB history and questioned every single statistic in both of your careers, but you guys also did it at a price of $30 million (combined) a year. Exemplary work, fellas. And Barry Bonds, even though you have not always been the most personable guy, nobody could ever deny your baseball prowess. Oh wait, now we can. You always were and always will be just a bad guy for baseball. Thanks Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi, for turning people off our national past-time once again.
On to the NFL. Terrell Owens, your devotion to provoking the ire of every single opponent has been a great example for young athletes. As happy as I am to have the best receiver in the league on my favorite team, it makes me much happier to have the most flamboyant jerk too. Who else would move from taunting the only murderer to play in the NFL (Ray Lewis) to inviting criticism for allusions to sex before Monday Night Football? Only you T.O., and for that, I thank you.
Jamal Lewis and Onterrio Smith, you guys work hard for your teams, and work hard for lighter sentences in criminal cases. Where most people would spend months or years in prison, you guys spend four weeks without pay because you're professional athletes. Thank you Jamal Lewis and Onterrio Smith, for bucking defenders on the field and the justice system off the field.
Ricky Williams, your unselfish decision to back out of your contract because you decided you wanted marijuana instead of football not only cost your team their season but also cost coach Dave Wannstedt his job. Thanks Ricky Williams, for being so selfless.
I have a whole league that deserves praise. The NHL has destroyed its own fan base because of greedy and uncompromising players and mismanaging owners. You are costing hardworking team employees their jobs so you guys can ensure that extra million in your contract or your profits while destroying the game of hockey in America. To the players and owners of the NHL, thank you.
Don't worry, I'm not forgetting basketball. Ron Artest, Stephen Jackson and Jermaine O'Neal, you three are quite knowledgeable in public relations and should be honored for your actions. The hits you guys doled out are enough to warrant jail sentences, but you guys are only suspended. The display of maturity you put forth, along with Ben Wallace, should not be overlooked. Guys like you confront the challenge head-on of changing the already soiled reputation of NBA players (I'm looking at you, Kobe Bryant). Only a select few are capable of such accomplishments. Thank you guys, for being such great sportsmen.
Honorable mention for the NBA goes to the Detroit Pistons fans (crazy drunks) and the inspired collective play of the Chicago Bulls, Atlanta Hawks and New Orleans Hornets (a combined 5-40), making the expansion Charlotte Bobcats (4-12) look like a contender.
College football earned a few thank you's for the magnanimous actions of Maurice Clarett (selflessly admitting his selfish acceptance of gifts during his college career) and for college football's determined decision to use the super-intelligent Bowl Championship Series rankings. It matters little that Utah, Boise State and Auburn will be denied a national title shot because according to a computer, they don't deserve it. Thank you college football, for your unflappable decisions and unequaled honor code.
My final thank you of the semester goes to the one and only, John Kerry. You had an opponent who had an approval rating under 50 percent. That means that a majority of people didn't like the job he was doing. Yet enough of those people still re-elected him. What do you think that says about you? Thanks Senator, you performed admirably. Oh yeah, to the Tufts Republicans and The Primary Source staff, you guys deserve some recognition for your colorful chalk displays around the campus center on Nov. 3. It's refreshing that you guys are uniters, not dividers.
It's been a good semester, and let me offer a genuine thank you to all my readers. When I write to you again, I'll be talking to you about the Eagles in the Super Bowl. See you then.
Alex Bloom is a freshman who has not yet declared a major. He can be reached via e-mail at alexander.bloom@tufts.edu.
